I'm gonna start with my "mama win" for this post because it was such an awesome win in so many ways.
Mama win: visit to Chicago. Yes that is right, I, and I alone, got to go back home to Chicago. That means that Jay stayed with the boys, all by himself. Amazing. Ways this trip was a win:
1. I got to surprise my sister, the day before she ran the Chicago Marathon, with my visit. Her reaction was wonderful and watching her run the race was all I needed to make the short trip worth it. Go beanie!!
2. I FLEW to Chicago. I have developed a serious fear of flying, bordering on panic at any bit of turbulence. Quite pitiful. The fact that I made it in one piece is a win.
3. I was away from my kids - first time I have spent a whole day away from my boys let alone three whole days. It was terribly hard, but also quite liberating. I got to be me, just me, for three whole days. I was able to let go. It was so very hard to not hold my boys, but I also proved to myself that I could do it.
4. Jay proved to himself that he could handle the boys alone. He could do a whole day with them, get them out of the house, feed them all three meals, and still be standing at the end of the day...even if he was hunched over - exhausted - and gritting his teeth.
5. Jay now knows how hard it is to be a stay at home mom to twins. Priceless. Although he works his butt off all day 5 (or more) days a week, the physical, mental and emotional exhaustion of a whole day with the boys can be the hardest thing.
6. Seeing my family, my original family, my forever family that has known me since the day I was born. That is what I needed to be grounded. They refresh me.
7. I drank wine (a lot), and ate (a lot), and laughed loudly (a lot). I got to dress up and put makeup on. I felt pretty. It's been waaaay too long for a lot of those things.
Mama fail: well for something as good as the above mama win, I will regale you with not one, not two, but three mama fails. Oh you are so lucky.
Fail numero uno - the stroller incident, part 1
I am on my way to a play date at another mom's house. I am flustered from the morning of trying to remember all emergency supplies I might need for my boys, pack them up, drive to a place I've never been before, get them unloaded, don't forget anything in the car, etc etc. You know the drill. Well I bust out my handy dandy umbrella stroller and plop the boys right in. Something is not right though. John is sitting way too far forward in his seat and I cannot even get James into the thing, it's too tight on the sides. I push James in until I can get a buckle on him and continue unloading stuff from the car. Then I notice that James is sitting way too far forward too. What is going on here? Well, anyone that knows how an umbrella stroller works, probably knows how this story ends. But for those of you that do not...an umbrella stroller is awesome because it completely accordions open and closed and folds in half as well. When you are going to use it, you unfold it and open it like an accordion. Then you press on the two frames supports under each seat to lock it open. Well this tiny little safety and usefulness step is what I forgot. Completely did not open the stroller fully and also forgot to lock in place. Thank goodness this happened on an empty neighborhood street instead of in a parking lot. Because you see, you cannot then just finish the process of opening further and locking whilst the children are in the stroller. So out they go. I cannot just place them on the sidewalk or out into the street they will crawl. And I am not about to put them back into their car seats (pain in my a$$), so I just kind of toss them into the back of the car on the floor and pray for the best while I reassemble the car seat. Yes this was a moment I was glad to have in relative privacy. Sigh.
Failure numero dos - the stroller incident, part two
Now at play date. The mom who is hosting, kindly lets me bring the stroller in to her home as it is now pouring rain outside. I completely collapse the stupid thing so I don't take up half of her kitchen with my double wide awesomeness. At the end of the play date as I am moving over to set up the stroller again I decide to ask the moms if they have ever had a moment of mama brain like I did just a few hours ago (stroller incident). They all laugh, say "of course", but they want to hear the story. As I am regaling them with my ineptitude, I am gathering up the boys, our debris, and setting up the stroller. I am in bare feet because in Southern California we generally follow the rule of leaving your shoes at the door. So my bare footed brilliance has unfolded and opened up the stroller. As I am going to push on the "snap in to place" locking mechanism I briefly have the thought of "should I be doing this without shoes on". Too bad I am in the midst of a hilarious story about the last stupid thing I did with this stroller. I push down and slam...bottom of my foot gets caught in the snapping mechanism. I pull out my foot with a pit in my stomach, tears in my eyes, and hope no one noticed the little squeak of pain I allowed myself...because you see I just couldn't stand the humility of me hurting myself on the stroller that I embarrassed myself with earlier. I don't want these moms thinking I am a special needs case. So I stand still, afraid to lift my foot for fear that there will be a huge pool of blood underneath, calling out to my boys who refuse to move closer to me. I decide to bravely attempt to walk to my children as I don't think this mom would like to have me as a permanent fixture in her home. Luckily no pool of blood was found and I still cannot bring myself to look at my foot. Boys captured and placed in the stroller, I walk out all confident and smiles. As soon as the door is shut behind me I hobble the rest of the way to the car dragging my mangled pride and foot behind me.
mama fail numero tres - you forgot there were three didn't you???
This is a quick one, but delivered a shot to the ego like no other. Being that I was away from my boys for the first time ever for more than 1 day, I of course had day dreams about our reunion. I would go running through the airport towards their cute little bodies in the stroller and they would be all smiles and squeals of delight. I would pick them up and spin them around as they latched on to me. I mean I was gone for 3 whole days. They practically have this same reaction every time Jay comes home from work, and he is only gone for 8 hours. So I see Jay and the boys about 20 feet away. I go jogging towards them, awkwardly like the hunchback of notre dame as I am dragging my carry on suitcase behind me. I see the boys, we make eye contact, and as I get closer I start talking to them and how much I missed them and "HI boys mama is home!!!!" They sit there stoically, unsmiling, still in their stroller. Just staring. So I bend down to them, and grab their little toes and say "hi boys, it's mama". They stare. and stare. Then they start to whine because they are stuck in the stroller and it has stopped moving. So we walk back to the car, with still no reaction from the boys. I pick each one of them up and out of the stroller to give them a hug and James immediately pushes away with arms and legs. John just looks at everything, besides me. So much for that magical homecoming moment. At least Jay was glad to see me.
Mama win: visit to Chicago. Yes that is right, I, and I alone, got to go back home to Chicago. That means that Jay stayed with the boys, all by himself. Amazing. Ways this trip was a win:
1. I got to surprise my sister, the day before she ran the Chicago Marathon, with my visit. Her reaction was wonderful and watching her run the race was all I needed to make the short trip worth it. Go beanie!!
2. I FLEW to Chicago. I have developed a serious fear of flying, bordering on panic at any bit of turbulence. Quite pitiful. The fact that I made it in one piece is a win.
3. I was away from my kids - first time I have spent a whole day away from my boys let alone three whole days. It was terribly hard, but also quite liberating. I got to be me, just me, for three whole days. I was able to let go. It was so very hard to not hold my boys, but I also proved to myself that I could do it.
4. Jay proved to himself that he could handle the boys alone. He could do a whole day with them, get them out of the house, feed them all three meals, and still be standing at the end of the day...even if he was hunched over - exhausted - and gritting his teeth.
5. Jay now knows how hard it is to be a stay at home mom to twins. Priceless. Although he works his butt off all day 5 (or more) days a week, the physical, mental and emotional exhaustion of a whole day with the boys can be the hardest thing.
6. Seeing my family, my original family, my forever family that has known me since the day I was born. That is what I needed to be grounded. They refresh me.
7. I drank wine (a lot), and ate (a lot), and laughed loudly (a lot). I got to dress up and put makeup on. I felt pretty. It's been waaaay too long for a lot of those things.
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| My sister's cheer squad at mile 23 |
Mama fail: well for something as good as the above mama win, I will regale you with not one, not two, but three mama fails. Oh you are so lucky.
Fail numero uno - the stroller incident, part 1
I am on my way to a play date at another mom's house. I am flustered from the morning of trying to remember all emergency supplies I might need for my boys, pack them up, drive to a place I've never been before, get them unloaded, don't forget anything in the car, etc etc. You know the drill. Well I bust out my handy dandy umbrella stroller and plop the boys right in. Something is not right though. John is sitting way too far forward in his seat and I cannot even get James into the thing, it's too tight on the sides. I push James in until I can get a buckle on him and continue unloading stuff from the car. Then I notice that James is sitting way too far forward too. What is going on here? Well, anyone that knows how an umbrella stroller works, probably knows how this story ends. But for those of you that do not...an umbrella stroller is awesome because it completely accordions open and closed and folds in half as well. When you are going to use it, you unfold it and open it like an accordion. Then you press on the two frames supports under each seat to lock it open. Well this tiny little safety and usefulness step is what I forgot. Completely did not open the stroller fully and also forgot to lock in place. Thank goodness this happened on an empty neighborhood street instead of in a parking lot. Because you see, you cannot then just finish the process of opening further and locking whilst the children are in the stroller. So out they go. I cannot just place them on the sidewalk or out into the street they will crawl. And I am not about to put them back into their car seats (pain in my a$$), so I just kind of toss them into the back of the car on the floor and pray for the best while I reassemble the car seat. Yes this was a moment I was glad to have in relative privacy. Sigh.
Failure numero dos - the stroller incident, part two
Now at play date. The mom who is hosting, kindly lets me bring the stroller in to her home as it is now pouring rain outside. I completely collapse the stupid thing so I don't take up half of her kitchen with my double wide awesomeness. At the end of the play date as I am moving over to set up the stroller again I decide to ask the moms if they have ever had a moment of mama brain like I did just a few hours ago (stroller incident). They all laugh, say "of course", but they want to hear the story. As I am regaling them with my ineptitude, I am gathering up the boys, our debris, and setting up the stroller. I am in bare feet because in Southern California we generally follow the rule of leaving your shoes at the door. So my bare footed brilliance has unfolded and opened up the stroller. As I am going to push on the "snap in to place" locking mechanism I briefly have the thought of "should I be doing this without shoes on". Too bad I am in the midst of a hilarious story about the last stupid thing I did with this stroller. I push down and slam...bottom of my foot gets caught in the snapping mechanism. I pull out my foot with a pit in my stomach, tears in my eyes, and hope no one noticed the little squeak of pain I allowed myself...because you see I just couldn't stand the humility of me hurting myself on the stroller that I embarrassed myself with earlier. I don't want these moms thinking I am a special needs case. So I stand still, afraid to lift my foot for fear that there will be a huge pool of blood underneath, calling out to my boys who refuse to move closer to me. I decide to bravely attempt to walk to my children as I don't think this mom would like to have me as a permanent fixture in her home. Luckily no pool of blood was found and I still cannot bring myself to look at my foot. Boys captured and placed in the stroller, I walk out all confident and smiles. As soon as the door is shut behind me I hobble the rest of the way to the car dragging my mangled pride and foot behind me.
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| Mama torture device |
mama fail numero tres - you forgot there were three didn't you???
This is a quick one, but delivered a shot to the ego like no other. Being that I was away from my boys for the first time ever for more than 1 day, I of course had day dreams about our reunion. I would go running through the airport towards their cute little bodies in the stroller and they would be all smiles and squeals of delight. I would pick them up and spin them around as they latched on to me. I mean I was gone for 3 whole days. They practically have this same reaction every time Jay comes home from work, and he is only gone for 8 hours. So I see Jay and the boys about 20 feet away. I go jogging towards them, awkwardly like the hunchback of notre dame as I am dragging my carry on suitcase behind me. I see the boys, we make eye contact, and as I get closer I start talking to them and how much I missed them and "HI boys mama is home!!!!" They sit there stoically, unsmiling, still in their stroller. Just staring. So I bend down to them, and grab their little toes and say "hi boys, it's mama". They stare. and stare. Then they start to whine because they are stuck in the stroller and it has stopped moving. So we walk back to the car, with still no reaction from the boys. I pick each one of them up and out of the stroller to give them a hug and James immediately pushes away with arms and legs. John just looks at everything, besides me. So much for that magical homecoming moment. At least Jay was glad to see me.
