Wednesday, March 2, 2011

The Great Battles

So I got in the biggest fight with Jay last night. Is he aware of it? No. Why? Not because he wasn't paying attention. And no, it's not because I was so mad I cracked him over the head and now he has amnesia. He was unaware because it was all in my head. Yes a full blown, knock down, drag out fight...all in my head. Does anyone else ever do this?!

You are blissfully going about your day, you come to a situation in which you might think of another person. You get in this imaginary conversation with this person, it ends up in an argument and now you are mad. Oh you are soooo mad. So mad you could spit. Huh. It's too bad the other person has no clue. Please tell me someone else in the world does this. Helloooo

"So why are you so crazy," you might ask. Well, first off, that is not a very nice question, but my answer would be: I like to think of these "intra-cranial" arguments as a type of self defense. You know how you get in a situation where there may be an argument or disagreement of sorts and you don't think of that perfect come back until 30 minutes after the conversation is over. Well, I like to think that this is my way of being ahead of the game. I make up random arguments and go through the whole fight in my head...ya know...in case I ever have to have said fake argument, um, in reality. Of course knowing me, by the time this imaginary argument ever comes to fruition, I'll have forgotten my extreme wit and will be a stumbling mess as is customary.

But don't worry I'm not SO crazy that I end up letting this fake fight merge in to reality. However, I get so tense and infuriated with these imaginary fights that my heart rate is up, my jaw is clenched, and I'm sure my blood pressure is sky high. Good thing I have finally gotten to the point where I can stop myself in the beginning of an "argument," before the madness really sets in. I will be driving along, hands gripped on the steering wheel, knuckles white, eyes squinting a mad death stare, heart rate beginning to rise...but wait...my conscious self recognizes these symptoms of mild insanity and gives me a good mental slap in the face. "Snap out of it woman, this is not really happening."

I'll admit, although I do not ever let these arguments pour over into reality, there is always some lingering anger. Kind of like when you wake up from a dream and you're mad at who ever because they did something mean to you in the dream. Well this is much like that. I have to have my space for a while and let my emotions catch up with the logical side of my brain. But how do I explain this need for space? "Sorry honey, I'm not REALLY mad at you, but I still kind of hate you right now. Just give me a minute and all will be back to normal"...well relatively normal at least. But no, I could never do that...that would sound weird. ahem.

So, of course Jay (or who ever is the target at that moment, it could be the old lady driving in front of me) is blissfully ignorant that he is the victim of my hatred and goes about his day unawares. I just hope for his sake he is generally on his best behavior, cause if he does something while my brain is in fight mode, it may spill over in to reality. Then he will be sorry. Cause man, I will be soooo ahead of him in the argument that he will have no idea what hit him. Poor guy, hasn't a chance. He may as well give up now.

Thursday, February 10, 2011

When did this change happen?

So both my and Jay's parents have come to visit in the last few weeks and I noticed something different this time. I was worried about them. While they were visiting, I was fretting. While they were vacationing, I was on hyper alert. I worried about them getting around southern California, I worried about leaving them in a town none of us knew very well, I worried about their health and safety, I worried about their retirement funds, I worried about them taking our unpredictable puppy out for a walk. I just worried. A lot.

I would catch myself at times and think, well, they are all over 60 years old. They have made it this far in life without me worrying over them...pretty sure they can do THIS on their own. But, truly, that didn't help for long. The worry would set back in. After all our visitors left and were on their way back home I started thinking. When did this happen? When did I start worrying about my parents, instead of them solely worrying about us? When did this shift happen? I can't pinpoint a time or event. It was a slow shift evolving over the past few years I think. A series of events leading to a peak and plateau of fretting.

I assume this may be how parents worry about their children. As we do not have children yet, I can only equate parental worries to how we have fretted over our pets. But I truly believe I now get the fear that goes through parental minds every time their child tries something different, crosses the street, or just leaves the house. The world out there is a scary place. Who knew? Well I guess I kind of knew, but mostly in an irrational way (see last post).

I guess I have to try and get over these fears. As this is one more thing I worry about, yet cannot control. So although I wake up at night worrying if my parents boat will sink on their upcoming cruise, or that Jay's mom will get robbed because strangers are in her house replacing the floors, I just have tell my brain to shut up. Focus on the positive - suntans and beautiful hardwood - and just enjoy the fact that our parents are happy living their lives. As I'm sure they are happy when we enjoy living ours.



Monday, January 24, 2011

California Drivers and Irrational Fears

In the light of a recent devastating car accident near our house (8-10 cars and 3 deaths) I have been thinking lately about California driving/biking/walking. It's hell. These are possibly some of the worst commuters I have seen in my years. I have driven or been a passenger in some traditionally horrible driving conditions, with some of the worst drivers out there (Chicago, Cincinnati, Washington D.C., Boston, Dallas, Costa Rica, etc). But Southern California may very well top them all.

There seems to be this pervasive theory here in California that everyone believes they are more important than everyone else. This seeps through in many situations (shopping, waiting in line, walking down the street, biking a meandering path through the park), but most of all in driving. The drivers all seem to think that they and their destination point are THE most important thing. Now, I'm not just talking fast driving, cause if that were the case I would be one of the guilty. No, I am talking about irrational speeding (90-100mph), weaving in and out of traffic defying physics and spatial reality, honking in a stopped traffic jam, entering the freeway and somehow needing to be immediately in the left lane despite the fact that they have JUST GOTTEN ON THE FREEWAY, purposefully ignoring a signal when others need to change lanes, speeding up so you can't change lanes (no getting in front of me buster), well the list goes on and on. It's just mind boggling.

And I know in every city in every state, you'll find one or two fools that drive like this. I know everyone has had these situations happen to them. But here, HERE, it is a very high percentage of people that drive this way. It's a very offensive driving experience. No defensive driving, no passive driving, you are out to get the next guy...or at least rudely get in front of the next guy without signaling. It's a survival of the craziest situation here. A battleground. On the plus side, these mindsets have really expanded my driving vocabulary beyond just the typical swearing and flipping the bird. I have made up new words and new word combinations never thought possible. And other times I just try to chill out and let it be...I mean, hey, that person may very well be much more important than me.

Maybe this is the commuting culture because there are so many people out here that are transplants from everywhere else around the country and world. Is that the problem? That everyone comes from different driving traditions and when we all get together it's utter chaos and people go crazy and just forget common road courtesy. Or is it the type of person that comes to Southern California? The one that truly thinks they are a VIP. "I am here world! I have made it! Now get outta my way." I don't know.

I find myself always, always being in a defensive driving position. I am on the lookout not just for typical traffic, but that car/motorcycle that catches my eye because something just ain't right. I am continuously looking in my rear view mirror, side mirrors, and front window...not because I am changing lanes, but just to be aware. I am like a spooked rabbit in my car, always on edge. I have a very long commute in the morning and evenings (about an hour each way without traffic) and this predisposes me to encounter a lot of people on the roads. I would say every other day on the 405 I see an accident having just happened or having happened within the last 30 minutes. Accidents are so common here, that the California Highway Patrol (yep, CHiP) is quite good at getting the road cleared within a decent amount of time. We must get traffic back to flowing, cause god forbid we slow down the 2,000 potential VIPs waiting behind that accident line.

Because of my history of bad traffic living (Chicago) and my current condition of worst traffic living, I have what could possibly be described as irrational fears. Walking down the street or riding our bikes in street conditions, I can never relax. Even as a pedestrian or biker I am on the defense. I am convinced that around every corner is a crazed Hummer waiting to speed out of his/her driveway and squish my dog and I on our morning walks. On every major street is some moron incapable of waiting that 5 seconds for me to pass their turning spot while I'm on my bike, nope they must speed up and cut in front of me, causing me to go keester over head over my handlebars. Ok, well, that last one actually happened, so maybe my fears are not so irrational. This in turn causes me to want to warn everyone, or try to control situations, as much as I possibly can. Now don't get me wrong, I know my loved ones are perfectly capable of leaving the house and walking down the street or riding a bike. I know that, and I know I cannot control how stupid people drive. But if I can try to manage any other variables of the situation, that may make stupid people drive worse or more aggressively, then I will try. Which may come off as trying to be controlling or anal, but such are the outcomes of irrational fears.

So loved ones, when you come visit and I try to "encourage" a certain path of walking, or go over and over the bike path loop and it's pitfalls, please know I am aware that you have made it this far in life without being run over and most likely you are capable of going out in to the world without mayhem following you. But that was elsewhere, you are in Southern California now. The land of "me first" and "YOU get out of MY way". So please, just smile and nod if you must, but pay attention when I tell you about that one hill where the road bikers will run you down if you dare to walk at a slow pace, or to REALLY pay attention when crossing the street (you MUST use the walk signal button) cause if you are slow in getting out of VIPs way, you may get squished. And that can really ruin a family visit.


Thursday, January 13, 2011

Yosemite!

This is just a run down of our trip to Yosemite. It was pretty awesome. I guess this post falls under the "keep family and friends updated on our lives" section of what I've been planning to do with this blog. So here we go...the story of Yosemite. ***Warning: this is more like a short story than a quick day by day post of our trip***

Background - Jay loves everything National Parks related, so this is a birthday celebration trip to Yosemite for Jay. We live about 8 hours away driving, pretty amazing we haven't done this sooner. Also, we've been trying to be more positive about California, since it seems we'll be here for a few years. So in an attempt to have a happy hubster AND actually start enjoying California, I decided to surprise Jay with a birthday trip to Yosemite.

In preparation for this trip I did some research and found out that some roads are not passable in the winter time, but we're not taking those roads, so we'll be ok. That is the end of my research on traveling in Yosemite. Jay also does some research and finds out there are levels of road conditions in Yosemite that require tire chains depending on conditions. The level of road conditions for our weekend trip happen to be R1, you MUST have tire chains in your car at all times, or drive a car with snow tires, or some sort of snow plow or something. I ask Jay if he REALLY thinks we need tire chains. He says "yes". We hem and haw and think well maybe we'll just rent some snow plow type vehicle, but decide in the end that just buying some stupid tire chains would be best. I was not a fan of buying said stupid tire chains, if you can't tell. Seriously, we don't even need them in the current road conditions, we just have to have them in our car. Can't we just draw a picture of tire chains to fool the Park Rangers?? No?? Oh, ok, let's buy stupid tire chains.

Issue number 2 for this trip is that I DID do some research in to the lodge where we are staying this weekend...unfortunately I did not research it enough prior to actually making the reservations. I want to find out more about our lodge so I do a general search on it and come up with a Trip Advisor link. The first 10 reviews on this place are about how horrible it is. Mold growing on walls of rooms, sheets made of sandpaper, party animals hanging outside of every room screaming profanities till 4am, etc. Basically they are making this place seem like something out of a horror movie, but at the end each reviewer writes "but you can't beat the view". So in my mind I'm thinking "great, well if this place is the lodge from The Shining, we'll just sleep outside and enjoy the view all weekend. " I tell Jay about these reviews and we decide, "well let's lower our hopes to the level that these people are saying (1 star hovel level) and then if it's anything better we'll be happy with that. Deal? Deal. So, we're off....

January 7th - Jay's Birthday
Jay is 35 and before his legs fall off from old age, I thought we'd go hiking in the winter wonderland that is Yosemite in January. On our way there we have to stop by a random (unknown at this point) auto supply store to get chains for our car. We drive in about every wrong direction trying to find this store, but once we get there we buy the stupid chains (yes they're still stupid) and we're off. We have a lovely drive that took us through Angeles National Forest, which is quite beautiful. I oohed and aahed over the sparkling lakes and fog covered peaks. Jay was asleep. However he did wake up just in time for us to descend into the flattest part of California ever. Basically the three hours from the base of the Angeles Forest, past Bakersfield, through Fresno and on to Merced...about as exciting as driving though the mid-west, except gray and foggy. Hmmm. The one saving grace was the In N Out Burger stop in Fresno. Even though we have lived in California for 1.5 years, I have never had an In N Out Burger. Shocking, I know. This place was awesome and so were it's burgers. I will forever equate the beautiful city, well the city, of Fresno with my first In N Out Burger experience. Ahhh, Fresno.

Once we entered The Sierra National Forest, beautiful scenery was once again ours. We drove through little towns up, up, and up in elevation. Next thing we know we're looking down on some low hanging clouds. With tips of peaks poking through, they looked like islands in a cloud ocean. Up above the clouds the sun was shining and the temperature was warm. We parked in a "turnout" (really a gravel patch on side of a winding narrow mountain road-I do not recommend this kids) and even though we were right at a blind turn, we ran across the two lanes to get a better picture of this view and have our first breath of fresh mountain air. We almost got hit on our first attempt across, but somehow we survived the second attempt. Our hearts racing, we took a deep breath and a few pictures and let the sunshine warm our faces. It was quite the introduction to our mountain vacation.

Having left at 8:30 that morning, we arrived at the park about 3:30 that afternoon. It was amazing how quickly the landscape went from green and lush and 55 degrees, to a winter wonderland with about 2 feet of snow covering everything. There was this transition phase where everything on the low lying area was snowy and up above on the higher peaks it was sunny and green due to their exposure to the sun. The valley seems to be shaded quite a bit and so the snow was not melting there. In certain areas sun was hitting the valley floor and the snow was sparkling and fog was rising from the cold snow and warm air temps, here it was about 35 degrees. Cold, but sunny and just beautiful. We stopped at many turnouts along the way to our lodge and saw El Capitan, Bridal Veil Falls and Half Dome. Along the road we also saw our first glimpse of wildlife. A wolf!! Well, us city dwellers thought it was a wolf. But truly it was just a very healthy full-sized Coyote. In the city we're used to the anemic, half-starved, mangey coyotes. We didn't know any better.

We get to our lodge around 4:30 and I must say it is amazing. Yes! It was amazing. The room was sparse, but clean and homey. It was all wood inside, true the sheets were a bit like sandpaper, but we had prepared and brought one of our "nice" sheets to cover the rough ones. But that 1 issue aside, this place was great. The back balcony overlooked the Yosemite Falls and a winter wonderland. We were welcomed by a fruit and cheese place, a bottle of champagne, truffles and a bottle of red wine. Most of this I had pre-ordered to celebrate Jay's birthday, but in addition they had given us a free picture frame as a gift. There was no giant mold monster growing off the wall and we were never bothered by a rowdy guest. With the last bit of twilight left, we decided to make a hike our first priority. We slapped on our winter gear (who knew we still had winter gear) and headed out. Just behind our lodge there was a path that led to the trail for the Lower Yosemite Falls. Now this trail was fairly short, but was a slight up hill battle...only because it was completely iced over. Twilight + icy trail do not = a good outcome. I was holding on to trees and climbing in to the woods to try and find some snow to walk on. Jay of course was cool and calm, just wandering up the middle of the path with a small slip every now and then. Must be a guy thing. The falls were beautiful and led to a river with a bridge over it. We could see the base of the falls from the bridge. The snow there was almost blue (like a glacier) it was just amazing. The walk back was even more eventful as it was now night time and downhill on this slippery slope. I would have sat down and slid, but I was still in jeans and thought this would lead to a wet bottom situation that could not be overlooked once the trail was done. So we slipped and slid our way down the path, going from tree to tree. Quite an eventful way to start the communing with nature. We warmed up back in our room with the food and drink and headed out to The Lounge for a drink and a small bite to eat. This Lounge was a gorgeous wooden structure with floor to ceiling windows and a huge fire pit in the middle of the room. A long wooden bar flanked the back wall and a few perfectly placed tvs showed us the football game that was still on. What a night, a few more drinks by the fire, a football game on tv, and the wilderness waiting just outside the windows. What a great day!

January 8th - Day 2
We got up at a luxuriously late 9:15 and trumbled over to the food court cafeteria for breakfast. This place had everything you could imagine for a hearty breakfast prior to a hike. I got the Lodge Breakfast which consisted of two eggs, toast, hashbrowns and BACON!!!! It's bacon!! Jay got the Lodge Light Breakfast of course. Ermmmm. The lodge gave each guest a handful of "free coffee" cards at check-in so we were thoroughly caffeinated and fatted up (well some of us were fatted up). Yahooo, lets go hiking. We bundle ourselves up like the kid in Christmas Story and head out for the free shuttle that drops hikers off at destination points throughout the park. We chose to go to Mirror Lake trail as it was only a 2 mile in and out hike. We decided that was good for a quick morning romp through the snow. 3 hours later we were done, not so quick, but beautiful along the way. It was still about 30 degrees when we started our hike, a brisk morning. We were hiking with a few other people as a group for the first 50 feet or so, which was kind of disappointing, but then we ventured off on to the actual hiking trail while most others stayed on the wide road which was an easier flat walk. We had the trail to ourselves for most of the way and it was just so peaceful. Everything was covered in shining shimmery snow. The snow flakes and ice crystals here were the largest, most defined I had ever seen. Everything was so beautiful, we seemed to stop every 10 feet to take a picture...this led to a lot of photo editing later on. This trail had a small river on our left and the base of half dome to our right. Due to recent snow and rain the waterfalls and rivers were quite active for this time of year...made for natural beauty. Eventually we made it to Mirror Lake and it was breathtaking. Picturesque and quiet, a photographer's dream. We hiked further past the lake point, unsure of where the trail ended, and came upon a vast open field of snow with the river flowing through it. It was getting warmer now due to high sun and, well, we had just hiked a mile through the snow. We had this white shimmering snowy field all to ourselves and we stripped off our jackets and hats and sat in the snow and sunbathed for a bit. It was a surreal moment and one I am so glad I got to share with Jay. Also, since it was so warm at this point, high up on the mountain faces snow was melting and falling off in mini avalanches. We would hear these great cracks and thunderous noises and see way up in the sky, snow sliding down the cliffs in small patches. Like I said, this was amazing. And we had it all to ourselves. Soon we decided that for purposes of tiny bladders and soon to be empty stomachs, we should probably get back on the trail. Snow was melting all over, and much of the hike back it seemed like it was raining on us. Every now and then huge masses of snow would just slide off of a branch and land with great THUDS near us. A few caught us on the head which was less than pleasant, but quite funny. Once we saw a huge icicle standing in the snow near our feet as if it had just fallen from a high up tree branch. We decided at this time to put our cushy winter hats back on in the hopes that a killer icicle would just bounce off if it fell on us, instead of crushing our skulls or causing a hemorrhage. By the end of the hike back we were wet and hot, but smiling as big as can be. Just too much fun.

Instead of hopping back on the shuttle right away we thought we would walk some more along the road and just take in more scenery. It was at this time that we noticed a few families with sleds sledding down the hill sides. Jay and I watched for a while when we noticed a lone straggler sled had been discarded in the snow. We looked at each other and ran up the hill for a few sledding opportunities. The first time Jay took the sled and I just tried sliding down the hill on my clothes. Jay had fun, I did not get very far. On the second pass I took the sled which was just a thin piece of foam with a plastic coating on the bottom and decided a head first/belly down approach was best. I think by the bottom of the hill I may have had some internal bleeding, but man it was fun. Eventually we decided to be adults again and hopped on the bus to make it back to our lodge room for a quick lunch of Cliff Bars and a lot of water. Living in California, we have forgotten how drying the winter weather can be.

After a quick change in to some dry clothes we decided to drive around the valley a bit and try to find another short hiking destination. By the way, we still didn't need the tire chains. We stopped at many turnouts and took many more pictures, but by now a gray gloom had settled in the valley and the pictures were not nearly as beautiful as the reality. Odd light for photographs. We saw another coyote along this drive trotting along the side of the road. We eventually made it to the base of the .25 mile trail that leads up to Bridal Veil Falls. This trail takes you right to the base of the falls with the spray from the water hitting the rocks lightly misting our faces. This is a short hike to the base, but it is at a steep angle the whole way. Much like the trail from our first night this trail was all ice...even more so as it was covered in the mist from the falls. Luckily there was a metal railing on one side of the trail and we literally pulled ourselves up the trail with this railing. Although some of it involved rock scrambling and other parts were crawling on our hands and knees. To some people this may seem like utter nonsense, but for us it was hilarious fun. We could not stop laughing the whole way up. All I kept thinking was, how the heck are we going to get back down. The falls were wonderful, but we couldn't get many pictures due to slick conditions and water spray. I thought it would be miserably cold up there, but it really wasn't. We were so hot from the hike up we just enjoyed the mist. Hmmm, now it's time to get back down. We tried walking and hanging on to rocks and trees, but this was very slow going and precarious. We decided to forgo the cost of potential broken hips and cracked skulls and just sat down in the middle of the trail pushed off and slid on our bottoms. This involved a lot of bumper car moments bouncing off of boulders and trees, but it was quite fun. However, this left our bottoms quite wet and made for some discomfort the rest of the day. Ah well. It was worth it!!!

At the bottom of the trail we noticed a group of people all looking in to the woods. When we joined the group we realized everyone was watching a bear!! A BEAR!!! A live Bear only 50 yards away in the woods. No compound, or high cement walls, or large fences keeping it away. This was real live wilderness going on here. Of course, the bear was not interested in us at all and was probably just foraging for food near the garbage cans. It eventually made its way back in to the deep woods and we were back to our car and off on another drive.

By now it was getting close to sunset and time to head to our ideal location, Sentinel Bridge, in time to see the sun setting on half dome (this is a photographer's paradise). Along the way we stopped at The Swinging Bridge - not so much swinging now as it was frozen, but still a nice spot to take some sunset pictures over a river. There was a family there grilling out over an open fire, having a picnic at sunset in the winter!!! Very odd. I'm sure the 18 pack of beer was helping them stay warm. AND.....on to Sentinel Bridge. This was quite breathtaking in it's beauty at sunset, but by now my tush was very wet still and very cold and I was about done with nature's beauty. Time to go home, warm up and, well, shower for the first time in about 48 hours. Eeeep.

That night we enjoyed a drink in the Lodge lounge again and then headed over to The Mountain Room restaurant for a spectacular dinner. We each had appetizers and drinks and Jay had a huge rare Prime Rib (I told him he needed to apologize to the animals tomorrow) and I had White Cheddar Mac and Cheese, all baked and ooey gooey. yummm. We were so stuffed that by the time it came to dessert (part of the cost of dinner), we had to take our options back to the room. Jay wanted to stay up for another drink, I hit the sheets and was out in about 2 seconds. Happy Birthday dear, asleep on a Saturday night at about 9:15. Wahooo.

January 9th - day three, day of departure
We woke up to find that over night the temperature had dropped and stayed down. The falls were starting to freeze more and the spray hitting the bottom was turning into white frost/snow. We enjoyed a quick breakfast in the cafeteria and then checked out and headed to our car. However we found our car covered in a thin layer of snow and ice and being that we are now Californians, we did not have scrapers for the windows. Hmmm, oops. So we sat in our running car until it heated up enough to melt the ice away....such a shameful moment for the mid-western couple who were prepared for everything....we even had tire chains!

On our way out of the park we saw three does by the side of the road. One almost got hit by a car right in front of us (as we had stopped at a turn out to watch the deer). Oh my, my heart almost stopped. Another was quite interested in us and came up to our window before trotting along her way. On our way past the front gate to the park we spoke with a ranger about our trip and here is where we learned that we saw Coyotes, not wolves. We also told her about our bear sighting and she took down all the information. I guess they track the bears which get too close to where humans are, especially the ones that are active in the winter. We showed her pictures and she was able to glean some information from our hazy out of focus pics.

On our way back to civilization, a low fog had set in through some of the mountain ranges causing visibility on the expressways to be less than 50 yards. Quite enthralling, but also quite scary. Made for a tense but interesting drive back. We somehow made it work and fed each other our left over dessert to make it through this trip. We were still in cold weather at this point and as we watched the elevations go down we saw the temperature go up. We saw the forests and fields fade in to industry and farms and then city life. All in all, this was one of the best trips we have taken. It was a great 35th birthday for Jay and I just got to enjoy it with him. Amazing scenery, near perfect weather, and great company. And guess what, we never had to use the tire chains!!!


Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Lack of Focus

So here I am, in the blog world. Hmmm, it's kind of cold and lonely in here. A little echo-y too. HELLO, Hello, hello. I have thoughts about why I am here (not in the existential way - but in the blogger world way). I feel I have stories to tell, I want to keep family/friends up to date on our lives, etc. I have recently started following other blogs and I just love this format of storytelling. For a few years now I have wanted to write a book, but honestly I just don't believe I have the writing skills, creativity, and good ole gumption to follow through with it. So maybe this is my "easy way out" from that nagging in the back of my brain. Damn that nagging...it really is annoying. Shut up back there!

I started making this blog thinking, ooooh I am going to write a blog about my nursing career and its daily trials and tribulations. Shockingly, that's already been done. Ok, next. I will write a blog about being a regular girl, hmmm, nope, that's been done too. About being a wife - done. Aspiring artist - done. Argh!!! Well, I just won't focus. Hey that's an easy one. Lack of focus. Check. I am good at that. So here is my leap in to the world without focus. Now I'm cold, lonely, and I can't see clearly. Hmmm.

This blog will involve stories of the past and present. It will involve art and craft projects I do. It will be excerpts from "my book". It will be tales from my profession. It will be life in California from a mid-westerner perspective. It will totally lack focus and be a combination of OCD and ADHD. Much like me. It will be a little bit girly and a little bit tom boy. Much like me. It will be a little bit creative and a little bit clumsy. Much like me.

This is January 2011 and one of my resolutions to myself was to not be such a perfectionist. Not that I am a perfectionist in every aspect of my life (in fact I am in very few). But when it comes to trying new things, I tend to not do them if I think I won't be great at them. Well, of course I will never be great at them if I don't try. Der. There are very few people that can do things perfectly on the first try without practice. I am certainly NOT one of those people. So here is my resolution, my vow, to myself this year. I will try more things. I may do them miserably, I may fail, I may get embarrassed, but who knows I may do them well too. So here is my first leap. I am starting a blog, with total lack of focus. This is not a good foot to start off on, but it is the first step.