mamawhomamawhat?

Slacker, slacker, slacker...this is the thought that runs through my head whenever I think of this blog. I have pushed my writing aside for the other adventures in my life; twin boys (16 months old!), husband, family, holidays, new company, new products, training for an olympic triathlon, etc etc etc. Believe me, it's not for a lack of daily mama fails...and maybe a few wins too.

Here are a few of the latest fails that have a happened in the recent past. I say this because my memory is crap and I honestly cannot remember all of the chaos that happens every day.

Mama fails:

Chasing James around the garage because he has something in his mouth. Find out it is a dime (choking!) he got off of the garage floor (chemicals, dirt, gah!). Finally fish out the dime and am putting it up high and out of reach. I turn around to find him pick up a piece of dog food off the floor and promptly eat it. Sigh.

Just got home from a run and am mentally and physically exhausted. I have one of those camelbak water bottles that I am drinking from and of course James wants it. (Sidebar - these boys are completely and totally in the, I want what moms has phase). So, fine, I give him the water bottle. It's filled with water and has a silicone spout. Harmless right...until he trips and falls. He starts crying...and I'm all "you're ok, shake it off". (This is my standard response to all trips because if I rushed to the boys every time they trip or fall I would do nothing else in life.) Then I realize he is not calming down and then. I see. the blood. Oh god. He is bleeding profusely from his mouth. My first thought is he knocked out a tooth. Oh god. I pick him up and cannot see a thing between the blood and the fact that he will not open his mouth for me. Luckily I can peek in between wails, all I can see is what looks to be his upper lip in between his front teeth. You would think an ex ICU nurse would handle stressful situations pretty well. Um nope. My mind went blank. I called the Pediatrician...no answer, crap, they're closed. So I call Jay and we try to communicate over baby wails. He is totally cool and calm and I am a mess. He suggests giving him ice chips to numb the area and decrease swelling. Yes, yes, that makes sense. The bleeding has stopped and James is willing to eat ice chips. Phew. There is a lot more drama (self imposed) that happens over the next 24 hours, but eventually it comes down to this: he hit his lip, scratched his gum, it bled, the upper lip was all swollen which made it look like it was stuck between the front teeth. Ace mothering and nursing there Mel. What would I have done without Jay...probably taken my son to the ER for a swollen lip. Sigh.

The boys have been playing in front of our house a lot lately. This is really fun as a lot of the neighborhood kids will come down the street to play with them. Plus the boys get to explore everyone's front yards and porches. We are at the end of a dead end street so we often let the boys just play in the street. Our first boy (Bear dog, Baby Bear, Bear Bear) likes this time as well because he gets to smell all the smells, sun bathe on the neighbors lawn, and watch the people go by. Sometime there is water in the gutter area in front of our house, left over from someone washing their car or the sprinklers going off and Bear likes to drink this water. Yuck, but he's a dog, whatever. John and James were playing on opposite sides of the street so I stand in between them at all times so it's just a quick jaunt to whoever is causing the most trouble (hopefully they never do it at the same time - ha!). So there I am switching from one boy to the other. They are both playing nicely....John is in the street and James is in our driveway. So I am watching John, who is watching Bear. John decides to imitate Bear and in less than a second he is laying on his belly with his face in the gutter water. Oh my god. So disgusting. I scream "yucky" which is my standard response for something gross they are about to put in their mouths. John looks up and smiles with a face full of gutter water and sediment...on my way running to him, he promptly puts his face back in. Can I actually wash my kid's mouth out with soap? Sigh.

Poison control line called. Do I need to elaborate? I only will as a PSA. Unless you know your garden very well (which we do not as we are renters), never take your eyes off your kid in the backyard, ever. Well, not until they are past the oral fixation phase. John literally bit into a tree (Plumeria) and as I'm telling him "yucky" I see this white milky substance coming out of the tree. That CANNOT be good. Find out what the tree is, look it up, see the words POISONOUS SAP and totally freak. Luckily I had my head on straight this day and immediately called poison control line...all is well...just an irritant. Keep an eye on his mouth, etc etc. Sigh.

Getting frustrated with the boys. The boys are in this transition phase. They are wanting more independence, but still needing so much. It leads to very frustrating times. I know every mom goes through these times, there is no special mama fail here. The fail is that I do get frustrated and angry with them. Most of the time they have no idea what they are doing...they are not doing it purposefully and yet, I take it personally. Then I feel guilty and a downward spiral begins. Sigh.

Mama Wins:

Holy moly I am getting this company thing started. I guess maybe it's too early for it to be a win, but it sure is exciting and scary.

We are doing a triathlon. I have made it through one week of training and I haven't hurt myself or forgotten a child at the Kidzone at the YMCA. Wahoo!

Part of having the boys go out front and play in our driveway and street is you just never know what is going to happen. Sometimes it's crazy gross, sometimes they just "discover stuff" and sometimes it is truly amazing and hilarious. It has been an incredibly mild winter here in Orange County and one day it was 85 degrees. After a walk in the heat, the boys were ready to get out of their stroller and play. The stroller was a mess of crushed cheerios and banana, yay toddlerhood. Time for a stroller hose down in the front yard (really how can our neighbors not love us - dogs on their lawn, cleaning strollers in our front yard, nakey babies running around - we'll get to that last one.) Well the boys found this to be fascinating and start splashing in the water that was running down the driveway. Then John discovered that the water was coming from the hose and he wanted to explore that. This video is what ensued and it was awesome. Eventually this led to me having to strip them down to their diapers on the front lawn as they were soaked (hiya neighbors). Sigh (with a smile).

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I have not disappeared...

...I have been slacking on this blogging thing though. As we all know, the holidays are crazy time. As we all know having twins (or just more than one child - or hell, just one child) is crazy time. As we all know running a household is crazy time. So needless to say it has been crazy time here. In addition to my "regular" crazy times, I have decided to add a little more crazy to my life. I am starting a company and developing a product. More info to come later, but this process is insanely busy. Trying to fit the work in to nap times has proven to slow things down dramatically. Stuff gets pushed aside and one of my favorite things (writing) has taken a hit.

There are so many stories of fails and wins lately and I feel like I could write about 10 posts with all of them. I will try to be concise though and maybe just put them in list form instead of writing a whole story about them. Something like the 12 days of Christmas, but 12 days of mama fail mama win. Yea...I like this idea. Here goes:

Mama fails
1. On the 1st day of MFMW my toddlers gave to me a lesson on their reaching distance by grabbing the coffee mug and spilling it all over themselves...mama panic. No burns, phew.
2. On 2nd day of MFMW my toddlers gave to me falling off the small slide in our living room head over feet and landing on the tile. No injuries, phew.
3. On the 3rd day of MFMW my toddlers gave to me pulling down the display near the pharmacy of light up pen things causing them to spill all over the floor. Pharmacist insisted she will clean them up.
4. On the 4th day of MFMW my toddlers gave to me more random poop incidents than I can handle. Squatting in the closet; continuing to poop after dirty diaper was cleaned off and you went running, pooping along the way; rolling around behind a pile of pillows and clothes, poop getting smeared on wall and floor; one boy reaching into the other's diaper of poop...and on and on.
5. On the 5th day of MFMW my toddlers gave to me...more gray hairs than I can tolerate on my head.
6. On the 6th day of MFMW my toddlers gave to me a heart attack when they learned to climb furniture.
7. On the 7th day of MFMW my toddlers gave to me a lesson to not let them "help" unload the dishwasher when you think it's safe...they will find the knife you didn't know was in there.
8. On the 8th day of MFMW my toddlers gave to me a brain so addled that I backed up out of my garage straight in to my husbands car...with babies and MIL in the car.
9. On the 9th day of MFMW my toddlers gave to me a decision that they both no longer liked the foods they have loved for the past 4 months and will only eat bananas.
10. On the 10th day of MFMW my toddlers gave to me the ability to not care about wiping noses on just about anything including my sleeves, pants, wipes, towels, onesies, their shirt, the cat etc...
11. On the 11th day of MFMW my toddlers gave to me the knowledge that they are stronger than they seem after the dog flat out ran in to (at full speed) one of my boys sending him flying backwards. Luckily landing on grass. Little crying, but tough guy shook it off.
12. On the 12th day of MFMW my toddlers gave to me a week of changing nap schedules, each boy different, everyday a different nap skipped, and the inability to plan anything because I never knew when they would sleep.

Mama wins - Surprise, I'm running out of time and somehow the fails outnumber the wins...sigh. At least the wins count for twice as much :)
1. Mama got her hair done. Hair dye and a fabulous stylist to cover the gray and make the mom bob look "not as mom-y"
2. Being so close to saying mama. I get a "mum" out of James sometimes. Maybe he's British?
3. Saying dada. Of course...
4. Both walking. Well, one running and one sloppily toddling after his brother
5. Changing to front facing car seats. Don't criticize...it's the only way we are all staying sane in the car, which makes the driving experience safer.
6. We got the boys first haircut. Holy moly...you'd think this would be ripe for a mama fail. But the boys were great. The only bad part is they don't look like babies anymore.

Happy twins facing front

First Haircut

First Haircut

John running, James crawling. Two different directions

That's one bad mutha...

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Busy busy bee

Mama fail: Amazing how having a social life leaves no time for you to work on hobbies...like blogging.

Mama win: I have a social life!!! It's about dang time. Go me Go me Go me (in sing song while doing the running man)

Mama fail: The only reason I have a social life is because of two 13 month old boys...sigh.

I promise a lot of hilarity and embarrassments have happened in the last three weeks. I'll write more soon.

This is a close enough approximation of an image of me doing the running man

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Chicago, it's my kind of town

I'm gonna start with my "mama win" for this post because it was such an awesome win in so many ways.

Mama win: visit to Chicago. Yes that is right, I, and I alone, got to go back home to Chicago. That means that Jay stayed with the boys, all by himself. Amazing. Ways this trip was a win:

1. I got to surprise my sister, the day before she ran the Chicago Marathon, with my visit. Her reaction was wonderful and watching her run the race was all I needed to make the short trip worth it. Go beanie!!
2. I FLEW to Chicago. I have developed a serious fear of flying, bordering on panic at any bit of turbulence. Quite pitiful. The fact that I made it in one piece is a win.
3. I was away from my kids - first time I have spent a whole day away from my boys let alone three whole days. It was terribly hard, but also quite liberating. I got to be me, just me, for three whole days. I was able to let go. It was so very hard to not hold my boys, but I also proved to myself that I could do it.
4. Jay proved to himself that he could handle the boys alone. He could do a whole day with them, get them out of the house, feed them all three meals, and still be standing at the end of the day...even if he was hunched over - exhausted - and gritting his teeth.
5. Jay now knows how hard it is to be a stay at home mom to twins. Priceless. Although he works his butt off all day 5 (or more) days a week, the physical, mental and emotional exhaustion of a whole day with the boys can be the hardest thing.
6. Seeing my family, my original family, my forever family that has known me since the day I was born. That is what I needed to be grounded. They refresh me.
7. I drank wine (a lot), and ate (a lot), and laughed loudly (a lot). I got to dress up and put makeup on. I felt pretty. It's been waaaay too long for a lot of those things.

My sister's cheer squad at mile 23

Mama fail: well for something as good as the above mama win, I will regale you with not one, not two, but three mama fails. Oh you are so lucky.

Fail numero uno - the stroller incident, part 1
I am on my way to a play date at another mom's house. I am flustered from the morning of trying to remember all emergency supplies I might need for my boys, pack them up, drive to a place I've never been before, get them unloaded, don't forget anything in the car, etc etc. You know the drill. Well I bust out my handy dandy umbrella stroller and plop the boys right in. Something is not right though. John is sitting way too far forward in his seat and I cannot even get James into the thing, it's too tight on the sides. I push James in until I can get a buckle on him and continue unloading stuff from the car. Then I notice that James is sitting way too far forward too. What is going on here? Well, anyone that knows how an umbrella stroller works, probably knows how this story ends. But for those of you that do not...an umbrella stroller is awesome because it completely accordions open and closed and folds in half as well. When you are going to use it, you unfold it and open it like an accordion. Then you press on the two frames supports under each seat to lock it open. Well this tiny little safety and usefulness step is what I forgot. Completely did not open the stroller fully and also forgot to lock in place. Thank goodness this happened on an empty neighborhood street instead of in a parking lot. Because you see, you cannot then just finish the process of opening further and locking whilst the children are in the stroller. So out they go. I cannot just place them on the sidewalk or out into the street they will crawl. And I am not about to put them back into their car seats (pain in my a$$), so I just kind of toss them into the back of the car on the floor and pray for the best while I reassemble the car seat. Yes this was a moment I was glad to have in relative privacy. Sigh.

Failure numero dos - the stroller incident, part two
Now at play date. The mom who is hosting, kindly lets me bring the stroller in to her home as it is now pouring rain outside. I completely collapse the stupid thing so I don't take up half of her kitchen with my double wide awesomeness. At the end of the play date as I am moving over to set up the stroller again I decide to ask the moms if they have ever had a moment of mama brain like I did just a few hours ago (stroller incident). They all laugh, say "of course", but they want to hear the story. As I am regaling them with my ineptitude, I am gathering up the boys, our debris, and setting up the stroller. I am in bare feet because in Southern California we generally follow the rule of leaving your shoes at the door. So my bare footed brilliance has unfolded and opened up the stroller. As I am going to push on the "snap in to place" locking mechanism I briefly have the thought of "should I be doing this without shoes on". Too bad I am in the midst of a hilarious story about the last stupid thing I did with this stroller. I push down and slam...bottom of my foot gets caught in the snapping mechanism. I pull out my foot with a pit in my stomach, tears in my eyes, and hope no one noticed the little squeak of pain I allowed myself...because you see I just couldn't stand the humility of me hurting myself on the stroller that I embarrassed myself with earlier. I don't want these moms thinking I am a special needs case. So I stand still, afraid to lift my foot for fear that there will be a huge pool of blood underneath, calling out to my boys who refuse to move closer to me. I decide to bravely attempt to walk to my children as I don't think this mom would like to have me as a permanent fixture in her home. Luckily no pool of blood was found and I still cannot bring myself to look at my foot. Boys captured and placed in the stroller, I walk out all confident and smiles. As soon as the door is shut behind me I hobble the rest of the way to the car dragging my mangled pride and foot behind me.

Mama torture device

mama fail numero tres - you forgot there were three didn't you???
This is a quick one, but delivered a shot to the ego like no other. Being that I was away from my boys for the first time ever for more than 1 day, I of course had day dreams about our reunion. I would go running through the airport towards their cute little bodies in the stroller and they would be all smiles and squeals of delight. I would pick them up and spin them around as they latched on to me. I mean I was gone for 3 whole days. They practically have this same reaction every time Jay comes home from work, and he is only gone for 8 hours. So I see Jay and the boys about 20 feet away. I go jogging towards them, awkwardly like the hunchback of notre dame as I am dragging my carry on suitcase behind me. I see the boys, we make eye contact, and as I get closer I start talking to them and how much I missed them and "HI boys mama is home!!!!" They sit there stoically, unsmiling, still in their stroller. Just staring. So I bend down to them, and grab their little toes and say "hi boys, it's mama". They stare. and stare. Then they start to whine because they are stuck in the stroller and it has stopped moving. So we walk back to the car, with still no reaction from the boys. I pick each one of them up and out of the stroller to give them a hug and James immediately pushes away with arms and legs. John just looks at everything, besides me. So much for that magical homecoming moment. At least Jay was glad to see me.

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Only 20 more years and you can do it again

So Jay and I wanted to celebrate these last waning days of summer (yea right we live in SoCal) and enjoy a beverage on an outside patio....

Mama fail: We decided to take the boys to a local tavern (serves food and drink so it's ok, right?) and we were planning on sitting out on the patio. Boys will get fresh air, mom and dad will get sunshine and a cold beer. So after the typical "plan for every possibility of things that can go wrong" packing job...we are now all loaded into the car. It needs to be said that we are driving to a place that is literally 5 minutes away by car. However, we couldn't walk because A) it's a mile away and it is 92 degrees out, and B) we really only have about 45 free minutes with the boys till dinner time melt down...the walk alone would have killed about 25 of those minutes. So we're loaded up spend 5 minutes in the car. Park. Unload. Carry everything + two boys into tavern. We notice that the patio is filled, but inside, ooooh there is football (one drawback to no cable/directv). So we decide, eh, we will go inside and have a drink and watch football and entertain the boys with snacks and TV. As we're walking in we notice a sign on the door that says NO one under 21 is allowed. We scoff, hahaha. Boys you don't meet the age limit. We'll give you fake IDs. We sit down and literally just have a moment to drop the boys on their tushes and unload our stuff when the manager walks up to us and says, "I'm sorry guys, no one under 21 is allowed in here," Jay and I both kind of laugh and the manager says, "No seriously, I'm gonna have to ask you to leave." We incredulously say, "Seriously?!?...even babies!" "Yes, I'm so sorry, even babies. It's because of our liquor license." We just kind of look dumbfounded. "Sorry" says the manager, sheepishly. We haul all of our stuff back onto our bodies and scooch our way out of the booth. He "ushers" us out and makes some benign comment about "not being able to serve them anyway" hahaha. So boys. At age 1...you officially got kicked out of your first bar. You'll have to wait 20 more years for the next time :)

Mama win: On Sunday morning, bright and early I made the boys breakfast. Now this is no amazing feat in and of itself as I make them breakfast every morning. However, my usual breakfast fare for the boys involves toasting some frozen product, adding fruit and calling it a day. This morning I cut up some fresh strawberries, made homemade pancakes, and whipped up some homemade whipped cream. This was the boys breakfast. And on top of that...they actually ate it! There is the mama win! It seems the meals I put the most effort in to are usually the ones the boys spit out. But all of the stars aligned and a good breakfast was had by all (yes Jay and I enjoyed our version of the same breakfast during the boys nap). Ahhhh, life is good. Lets just pretend this is what it looked like and that I am Martha Stewart, II.

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It's the little things...

Lets call these short stories or lessons learned. Whatever they may be...I offer them to you, here and now. It has been crazy for the last two weeks. Preparing for family coming in to town and the boys first b-day party...in addition to all of the usual stuff...leaves little time for writing blog posts. I will keep this short and... sometimes sweet.

Mama fails:
1. Giving babies couscous, ever. They will "paint" with it on their high chair tray and you will end up with couscous everywhere. Still finding those little pin sized pasta pieces 3 weeks later. They cannot eat it, it doesn't clump together and they cannot pincer grasp it. I don't know what I was thinking.
2. Trying again and again to get my boys to eat pasta. My boys do not like pasta...of any kind...shape...flavor...with sauce...without...they. don't. like. it. I am so very very sad as this is such an easy go to item for kids. Nope.
3. Going to Whole Foods. I should have kept up my streak on never going. Now I know what's there. It's allll there. I have so many food options. Temptation is too great. Ignorance was bliss.
4. Forgetting to lock the oven door. John "the climber" grabs onto the handle and climbs the oven. Door flies open, John falls back, oven door hits John in the face, and then John's head hits the floor. All within a second and about two feet away from me. Talk about parental guilt.
5. Assuming that since James had crawled up one stair, only one stair, that there was no way he could hurt himself. Till he tried to sit back and ooops, he was one stair up and just fell back on to the tile floor. Not a happy baby. Like an overturned screaming turtle.
6. Assuming that my boys would be the first babies in history to actually enjoy their first birthday cake. Mmm, not so much.

Mama wins:
1. Making it through the first year of life with these two amazing boys. Didn't think we were gonna make it for a little while.
2. Pulling off a first birthday party with over 30 guests...of course I couldn't have done it without Jay and both sets of Grandparents!!
3. Getting away, just Jay and I, for over 30 hours.
4. Realizing that I am not the end all be all with these boys...although that is a fail for me too (tear).

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Oh crap

As if Facebook has some sort of psychic power over me, my future was predicted by a link I "liked" a few days ago. Here it is in case you would like to reference it.

Mama Fail: #1 So I am going to a play date with some other moms and the host says she essentially has a mini water park in her back yard and that we should dress our tikes appropriately, e.g. swim diapers, swim trunks and rash guard, as well as a gallon of sunscreen. So being that I have never dressed the boys for a water adventure I leave myself ample time (45 minutes) to get both boys ready. Things I need to do in this time: Strip boys of regular clothes, change to swim diaper, slather in sunscreen, dress in swim trunks, and lastly put on rash guard...all of course x 2. 45 minutes should be enough time, right? Well it may have been except for one little snafu. I have finished going through this entire routine with James (including changing from poopy regular diaper to clean sparkly swim diaper) and am now working my way through this with John. I am on the changing regular diaper (which is also poopy, thanks boys!) to swim diaper step when I realize it smells bad, really bad. I know it's not John because I am half way through de-poopifying his tushy and this is a new smell. So I'm thinking, "Aw man, James pooped again...in that damned swim diaper, guh." Oh I should not have cursed this fate for what lie ahead was so much worse. As if in a slow motion scene, I turn my head to search out James and discover that he has figured out the (apparently not so) impenetrable diaper securing system that I use. He has undone the diaper, pulled out all of the wipes I used on him and is now playing in his own feces like a little monkey. Oh. my. god. Of course any usual mom would drop what she was doing and go to said poop covered child, but no, I am in a conundrum. I currently am wiping a poopy bottom and if I let go I risk John rolling over and crawling around with poop all over him. I have to decide which situation is worse. I go with current issue at hand and clean up John as I have never cleaned before. I let him go sans diaper...at this point a little pee on the carpet is the least of my worries. And dive for James...the whole time using all of my mom "force be with you" powers begging the universe to not let James put his poopy hands in his mouth or in his hair. Luckily I have a whole pack of wipes right next to me and I am on him in a second. He gets the perfunctory wipe down, all the while I am holding James under the armpits with one arm in the hopes that I will not drop him or have him touch anything along the way to the sink. I scrub the hell out of his hands which he is none to happy about and inspect him very closely for poop particles. I think we're safe...now back to John.

Mama fail: #2 (hahaha) Oh but wait there is more. Later that evening it is bath time. I believe the boys got dirtier than ever at their water play date which really should have counted for a bath for this lazy crazy mom. However, they are covered with grass, dead bug debris, and food from dinner. Bath time is a must. So I scoot them on upstairs (thank god they can do the stairs together now) and once ensconced in the bathroom I derobe them and de-diaper them. John first, good to go and in the bath seat in the tub. James is being de-diapered and I look in the mirror to find the dreaded poopy diaper staring back at me. Oh no, the diaper is still in between his legs maybe I can grab some wipes and clean...ohp, nope James starts to kick from excitement as I am holding him and gravity takes the diaper down...on to the counter where all of their bath towels and cloths are currently sitting. It falls face (?) down and splat on to the towels and all. Now I'm left to deal with holding the kicky poopy baby, the squirm worm in the bath as well as find new...well everything made of cloth for bath time. Sigh...into the garbage go the towels along with the diaper because I sure as heck am not scraping poop off of a towel on the off chance that it will be usable again. Nope and nope.

Mama win: This is a tough one as it has been one heck of a week for all of us. However, I am proud to say that we did make it to the water play date even after the poop monster episode...we made it there late, but we made it. In addition I was given a tip for getting those dang rash guards over a baby's head. I literally had the boys laying on the floor with my leg across their shoulders trying to cram their skull through the impossibly small hole on these things. What an "oh duh" moment I had when another mom tipped me off and said she cuts the neck on those things to make the hole bigger. Genius!!

Aw heck, there is one more win too. It will be the boys' first birthday in one week (what?!) and I somehow managed to design, order, receive and mail the invites on a somewhat decent schedule allowing people more than a weeks notice. I think that is pretty good. We could have just begged people to come the day before the party, but this way is a little bit nicer. Yahoooo.

I'll spare you a pic of the theme of this post and give you some cute ones instead.

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