Only 20 more years and you can do it again

So Jay and I wanted to celebrate these last waning days of summer (yea right we live in SoCal) and enjoy a beverage on an outside patio....

Mama fail: We decided to take the boys to a local tavern (serves food and drink so it's ok, right?) and we were planning on sitting out on the patio. Boys will get fresh air, mom and dad will get sunshine and a cold beer. So after the typical "plan for every possibility of things that can go wrong" packing job...we are now all loaded into the car. It needs to be said that we are driving to a place that is literally 5 minutes away by car. However, we couldn't walk because A) it's a mile away and it is 92 degrees out, and B) we really only have about 45 free minutes with the boys till dinner time melt down...the walk alone would have killed about 25 of those minutes. So we're loaded up spend 5 minutes in the car. Park. Unload. Carry everything + two boys into tavern. We notice that the patio is filled, but inside, ooooh there is football (one drawback to no cable/directv). So we decide, eh, we will go inside and have a drink and watch football and entertain the boys with snacks and TV. As we're walking in we notice a sign on the door that says NO one under 21 is allowed. We scoff, hahaha. Boys you don't meet the age limit. We'll give you fake IDs. We sit down and literally just have a moment to drop the boys on their tushes and unload our stuff when the manager walks up to us and says, "I'm sorry guys, no one under 21 is allowed in here," Jay and I both kind of laugh and the manager says, "No seriously, I'm gonna have to ask you to leave." We incredulously say, "Seriously?!?...even babies!" "Yes, I'm so sorry, even babies. It's because of our liquor license." We just kind of look dumbfounded. "Sorry" says the manager, sheepishly. We haul all of our stuff back onto our bodies and scooch our way out of the booth. He "ushers" us out and makes some benign comment about "not being able to serve them anyway" hahaha. So boys. At age 1...you officially got kicked out of your first bar. You'll have to wait 20 more years for the next time :)

Mama win: On Sunday morning, bright and early I made the boys breakfast. Now this is no amazing feat in and of itself as I make them breakfast every morning. However, my usual breakfast fare for the boys involves toasting some frozen product, adding fruit and calling it a day. This morning I cut up some fresh strawberries, made homemade pancakes, and whipped up some homemade whipped cream. This was the boys breakfast. And on top of that...they actually ate it! There is the mama win! It seems the meals I put the most effort in to are usually the ones the boys spit out. But all of the stars aligned and a good breakfast was had by all (yes Jay and I enjoyed our version of the same breakfast during the boys nap). Ahhhh, life is good. Lets just pretend this is what it looked like and that I am Martha Stewart, II.

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It's the little things...

Lets call these short stories or lessons learned. Whatever they may be...I offer them to you, here and now. It has been crazy for the last two weeks. Preparing for family coming in to town and the boys first b-day party...in addition to all of the usual stuff...leaves little time for writing blog posts. I will keep this short and... sometimes sweet.

Mama fails:
1. Giving babies couscous, ever. They will "paint" with it on their high chair tray and you will end up with couscous everywhere. Still finding those little pin sized pasta pieces 3 weeks later. They cannot eat it, it doesn't clump together and they cannot pincer grasp it. I don't know what I was thinking.
2. Trying again and again to get my boys to eat pasta. My boys do not like pasta...of any kind...shape...flavor...with sauce...without...they. don't. like. it. I am so very very sad as this is such an easy go to item for kids. Nope.
3. Going to Whole Foods. I should have kept up my streak on never going. Now I know what's there. It's allll there. I have so many food options. Temptation is too great. Ignorance was bliss.
4. Forgetting to lock the oven door. John "the climber" grabs onto the handle and climbs the oven. Door flies open, John falls back, oven door hits John in the face, and then John's head hits the floor. All within a second and about two feet away from me. Talk about parental guilt.
5. Assuming that since James had crawled up one stair, only one stair, that there was no way he could hurt himself. Till he tried to sit back and ooops, he was one stair up and just fell back on to the tile floor. Not a happy baby. Like an overturned screaming turtle.
6. Assuming that my boys would be the first babies in history to actually enjoy their first birthday cake. Mmm, not so much.

Mama wins:
1. Making it through the first year of life with these two amazing boys. Didn't think we were gonna make it for a little while.
2. Pulling off a first birthday party with over 30 guests...of course I couldn't have done it without Jay and both sets of Grandparents!!
3. Getting away, just Jay and I, for over 30 hours.
4. Realizing that I am not the end all be all with these boys...although that is a fail for me too (tear).

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Oh crap

As if Facebook has some sort of psychic power over me, my future was predicted by a link I "liked" a few days ago. Here it is in case you would like to reference it.

Mama Fail: #1 So I am going to a play date with some other moms and the host says she essentially has a mini water park in her back yard and that we should dress our tikes appropriately, e.g. swim diapers, swim trunks and rash guard, as well as a gallon of sunscreen. So being that I have never dressed the boys for a water adventure I leave myself ample time (45 minutes) to get both boys ready. Things I need to do in this time: Strip boys of regular clothes, change to swim diaper, slather in sunscreen, dress in swim trunks, and lastly put on rash guard...all of course x 2. 45 minutes should be enough time, right? Well it may have been except for one little snafu. I have finished going through this entire routine with James (including changing from poopy regular diaper to clean sparkly swim diaper) and am now working my way through this with John. I am on the changing regular diaper (which is also poopy, thanks boys!) to swim diaper step when I realize it smells bad, really bad. I know it's not John because I am half way through de-poopifying his tushy and this is a new smell. So I'm thinking, "Aw man, James pooped again...in that damned swim diaper, guh." Oh I should not have cursed this fate for what lie ahead was so much worse. As if in a slow motion scene, I turn my head to search out James and discover that he has figured out the (apparently not so) impenetrable diaper securing system that I use. He has undone the diaper, pulled out all of the wipes I used on him and is now playing in his own feces like a little monkey. Oh. my. god. Of course any usual mom would drop what she was doing and go to said poop covered child, but no, I am in a conundrum. I currently am wiping a poopy bottom and if I let go I risk John rolling over and crawling around with poop all over him. I have to decide which situation is worse. I go with current issue at hand and clean up John as I have never cleaned before. I let him go sans diaper...at this point a little pee on the carpet is the least of my worries. And dive for James...the whole time using all of my mom "force be with you" powers begging the universe to not let James put his poopy hands in his mouth or in his hair. Luckily I have a whole pack of wipes right next to me and I am on him in a second. He gets the perfunctory wipe down, all the while I am holding James under the armpits with one arm in the hopes that I will not drop him or have him touch anything along the way to the sink. I scrub the hell out of his hands which he is none to happy about and inspect him very closely for poop particles. I think we're safe...now back to John.

Mama fail: #2 (hahaha) Oh but wait there is more. Later that evening it is bath time. I believe the boys got dirtier than ever at their water play date which really should have counted for a bath for this lazy crazy mom. However, they are covered with grass, dead bug debris, and food from dinner. Bath time is a must. So I scoot them on upstairs (thank god they can do the stairs together now) and once ensconced in the bathroom I derobe them and de-diaper them. John first, good to go and in the bath seat in the tub. James is being de-diapered and I look in the mirror to find the dreaded poopy diaper staring back at me. Oh no, the diaper is still in between his legs maybe I can grab some wipes and clean...ohp, nope James starts to kick from excitement as I am holding him and gravity takes the diaper down...on to the counter where all of their bath towels and cloths are currently sitting. It falls face (?) down and splat on to the towels and all. Now I'm left to deal with holding the kicky poopy baby, the squirm worm in the bath as well as find new...well everything made of cloth for bath time. Sigh...into the garbage go the towels along with the diaper because I sure as heck am not scraping poop off of a towel on the off chance that it will be usable again. Nope and nope.

Mama win: This is a tough one as it has been one heck of a week for all of us. However, I am proud to say that we did make it to the water play date even after the poop monster episode...we made it there late, but we made it. In addition I was given a tip for getting those dang rash guards over a baby's head. I literally had the boys laying on the floor with my leg across their shoulders trying to cram their skull through the impossibly small hole on these things. What an "oh duh" moment I had when another mom tipped me off and said she cuts the neck on those things to make the hole bigger. Genius!!

Aw heck, there is one more win too. It will be the boys' first birthday in one week (what?!) and I somehow managed to design, order, receive and mail the invites on a somewhat decent schedule allowing people more than a weeks notice. I think that is pretty good. We could have just begged people to come the day before the party, but this way is a little bit nicer. Yahoooo.

I'll spare you a pic of the theme of this post and give you some cute ones instead.

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Meh...

So today was neither a mama fail nor a mama win day. I feel as if it was just a "meh" kind of day. But not for lack of trying.

Started with trying new food for breakfast (sunflower seed butter and jelly). The boys ate it, without fervor, and even a little bit of whining. Not a total fail...not a win.

Put boys down for 1st nap as per usual. John didn't fall asleep for over 30 minutes (very unusual), but then they both slept and slept. I had to wake them (gasp!) at 10:45 so I could meet with my running group. Not a total fail, not a win.

Went running. Met new people, discovered new trail. But had a fairly short run. Meh.

Fed boys lunch. See breakfast for their reaction. Meh

2nd nap time. Went down late and had an ok nap. Meh.

Afternoon adventure...Costco...wehoooo. Boys fussed throughout the store, I fed them snacks, John threw them on the ground...James ate them. Meh. Lots of $$ spent. Met a mom (planned meeting) and got rid of old vacuum and bags. Yay. Not a fail, but not really a win.

Rode home with some half whiney boys. Gave them a ready made pouch of baby food for dinner. Didn't satisfy. Ummm...turkey and cheese samich? OK, see lunch a breakfast for their reaction.

I feel like we all were giving about 60% today. Ahh well. Maybe tomorrow will be more win less lose...although either one would be better than meh.

Yawn...meh

Have you ever just had one of those "meh" days. Leave a comment. I'd love to hear from you.

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Oh he's so smart..."doh"

This is a short post today. I have been busy busy busy going to all sorts of play dates this week. Being part of two moms groups (one for local area and one for twins) has improved my social calendar greatly (from nothing to something). Overall it was a mama win kind of week, but don't worry there are a few stories to tell.

Mama win:
This week John has proved how stinkin smart (crafty) he is to me many times over. How great is that?! I have at least one, but probably two, baby geniuses. yay

Mama fail:
John has proved this to me by doing two things.
1. Getting past the now lowered (thanks to James) baby gate - Learned how to open? Magic? or, The ever popular shape shifting? - while I was making lunch. I only realized this by hearing the giggles of James who was now in the front room. And where was John...oh, all the way up ten stairs to the landing!!
2. He has figured out the baby proofing mechanism on our cabinets in the kitchen. Not once, not twice...and not by accident. He uses both hands and purposefully opens the door to it's limits and presses on white latch mechanism until it clears the hold and then he opens the door. He is 11.5 months old! Time to move all dangerous and poisonous things to...the...ceiling?

WHAT? Just doing my thing...

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Double double toil and trouble

So this special edition of mama fail mama win is brought to you by double mint gum. Ok, not really but you would think the boys would give me a break and only make me look like a bad mom every once in a while, but whoa man the boys were on their twin game this weekend. I'm still trying to think of two mama wins, so bear with me. Maybe something will come to mind as I am writing.

Mama fail #1 - Grandma and Grandpa M bought the boys an early birthday present - a toddler trampoline. It's pretty awesome and hopefully will release some of the endless amounts of energy that John has stored up. I say they bought it for the boys...but really we all had John the jumper in mind for this gift. Anyway, believe it or not this fail has nothing to do with John hurting himself (spoiler alert - the next one will). I get this contraption in the mail and start to pull out all of the pieces. I remember the online video telling me how easy it was to put together, so I'm like "Psssshh I don't need directions." Let's go!! Pieces pulled out, plastic suffocation plastic wrapping placed back in box, and obligatory allen wrench and screws accounted for. I'm all into this thing. The boys are having a blast playing with the box, listening to mom swear as she pinches her fingers on this "easy to assemble" toy, and "helping" me by taking pieces and crawling away with them. At one point I am so close to finishing the assembly that I am totally oblivious to what the boys are doing. It's quiet...too quiet. John!!! No, no John is ok...he is quietly tearing apart every book we own. OK, phew. James!!! Oh no, no...he is just sitting there playing with the allen wrench...which was in the bag with the screws and nuts...and he has chipmunk cheeks...and he is smiling. And one screw/nut combo falls out of his mouth!!!! Oh my god...somehow I managed to fly across the room all whilst having a massive coronary. This must be one of those mom adrenaline things, like when moms lift cars off of their kids and stuff...I literally (ok not literally) flew across the room. I opened James's mouth and did the finger swipe to get everything out. Holy mother of pearl. Of course James is now screaming because I took his toys away, but all screws/nut are again accounted for and boys were put in the kitchen where surely nothing could harm them. And, mom, mom was back to being super as soon as she got this thing assembled because man do the boys love this little trampoline.

Mama fail #2 - I'm going to start this one with a disclaimer that even though I swore I would never keep the worst mama fails from my readers, I almost did with this one. However, everyone was fine in the end, so I felt a little more comfortable writing this. It's a short but heart stopping one. It is morning and Jay and I are up watching the boys play, trying to wake ourselves up with a morning cup o joe, and also getting everything ready for the upcoming day. We've recently changed the boys diapers so of course that means James has to poop. Of course! Clean slate. So I am changing James and his giant poop while Jay is cleaning up in the kitchen and John is playing in the playroom next to James and I. John of course is all over the place and I have half an eye on him and half an eye on the poop monster. Next thing I know John is climbing up some shelves near me and within an instant has grabbed my cup of coffee which I thought was far enough above and away from him. He knocks it over onto himself, all over the carpet and toys below. He starts crying and I scream for Jay although he has seen it too. I am up to my elbows in poop so Jay runs over and sweeps up John and runs him to the kitchen sink. Cold water is applied and crying ceases. 5 minutes later John is back to acting like nothing happened, was probably just scared by the little bit of heat and us screaming. No marks, no burns and no harm done other than to my psyche.

The reason I share these two mom fails is because they are both things that I read about in all of the baby safety literature. At the time thinking, who in their right minds would be stupid enough to....well I guess now we know who. I try to keep my boys safe at every turn without being a helicopter mom. However the two most basic things: choking hazards and burns happened in one weekend. Luckily I take so much cream in my coffee it had cooled off quite a bit. It was mildly warm, but not hot...it could have been though, it could have been. And a lot of times what could have been is what scares moms most.

Mama win: After taking a break from pureeing food (since my boys refuse to eat anything from a spoon anymore - independent little stinks) and moving on to bite sized meals I am now back in the pureeing game. I have some days where I "mail it in" for meals and just want something fast and easy because the boys are breaking down or I am beyond exhausted. I have been relying on Plum Organics and Earths Best squeeze pouches which I feel only semi-guilty about. However, I still don't like that they use a lot of fruit in their combos and need preservatives to stay fresh. So after looking online for ways to make my life easier I find two products which I now love love love. They allow me to make food for the boys, puree what is left over and use it in some combo squeeze packs for emergencies or "mailing it in" days. The boys feel independent and I have free hands for another 5 minutes. In addition the toppers allow the boys to have a little more control with how fast food comes out of the pouches (see this post Orange goo) and provides a soft spout for their delicate gums. Here are the two wonder products: Squooshi Reusable pouches and Pouch Pop Topper. And one more bonus, a little less garbage from my laziness.

Mama win 2: I'm sure I could write some inane story about running 6 miles in this insane heat or having guests over for labor day (a thing we thought we would never again do after having twins), but the stories...they just happened and they were awesome events, but not much to tell. So I will take this time to try and redeem myself from my epic mama fails and ensure everyone that I am not a truly horrible mother...I just have my moments of real mediocrity...as I'm sure we all do.

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Mamas and Papas

So today's post is a little bit different. It's a special post regarding the wins and fails of both myself and Jay. I'm sure Jay would love to participate in this, right honey....right. Better to ask forgiveness than permission :) hehehe.

Mama/Papa fail: The theme here is child injuries.
Papa fail - Yesterday morning we're getting the boys all ready for the day and Jay is getting in some last minute play time before he goes to work. He is holding John, who loves more than anything to be thrown in the air, or held up high, or "pretend dropped". Sure any of those things could lead to injury if not done carefully...but of course we're careful. Of course...all the time. Except this one time...when Jay held John high up in the air and then walked through a doorway and cracked John's head on it. Ooopf. Not a happy baby. You know that cry...the one where it's quiet and you're just waiting...is he gonna cry? And then it starts with a scream, and then the tears come...and the pout and trembling lip. Ugh...melts a parent's heart. Nothing like bashing your kids head on a doorway right before work. I think we're gonna have to buy stock in cold packs.

Mama fail - Long ago we were adjusting the mirror that allows us to peek in on the boys while we are driving. Unfortunately the thing is crap and it broke in half during our adjustments (I mean I know we're strong, but c'mon). So we immediately said...Oh we should get a new one and take that down. Fast forward to 2 months later and that darn thing was still there. Anyway, I took the boys on an adventure the other day to a different park. Fun was had, tra la la. And we're packing up to go. I load James in the car first and as I'm putting him in his car seat he lunges for the mirror (cause he sees his handsome self in it) and promptly face plants in to it. Which wouldn't have been a big deal except then he loses his footing and slides down the mirror with his face. He ends up cutting his cheek and the tip of his nose on this dang broken mirror. You know what...babies bleed, like a lot. Who knew? Luckily I had a frozen banana feeder in the car and popped it in his mouth...distraction won and the cut healed quickly. I'm sad to say...it still took me 4 more days to take that mirror down. Yay me!

Mama/Papa win:
Papa win - Jay is a great dad. He has a papa win almost everyday in that he really loves (and likes - key) his boys. He wants to be there with them and it's hard for him to leave everyday. He loves coming home to them and playing with them and doesn't mind a lot of the craziness that goes along with having twins. He is also a great husband and that is a papa win too. He came home yesterday after a long day of work and a long week of work. He came home to take over the end of the day baby duties, so I could go out and be with adults for the evening. He tended to James when the screaming started because I dared to leave the room. He is an awesome dad. For that he gets a continual win (even if his antics result in head injuries from time to time).

Mama win - summoning up the energy yesterday to leave my A/C house and go for a 3 mile "pushing the double BOB" run in the 80+ degree heat with sun ablaze. Mama win or mama insanity...I don't know. But I did it and ended the day not feeling guilty about my cheese and wine night with some other mamas. A lot of my wins are going to be running related because:
1. I am not now and never was or will be a happy runner. I don't get that runner's high, I don't look forward to it, and I usually feel miserable tired and hot afterwards. However I still do it, so every run is a major victory for me.
2. It's F'ing hard to push 50 extra pounds of baby and stroller while running up hill.
3. Some days that is the only major thing that I do right.

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