I have not disappeared...

...I have been slacking on this blogging thing though. As we all know, the holidays are crazy time. As we all know having twins (or just more than one child - or hell, just one child) is crazy time. As we all know running a household is crazy time. So needless to say it has been crazy time here. In addition to my "regular" crazy times, I have decided to add a little more crazy to my life. I am starting a company and developing a product. More info to come later, but this process is insanely busy. Trying to fit the work in to nap times has proven to slow things down dramatically. Stuff gets pushed aside and one of my favorite things (writing) has taken a hit.

There are so many stories of fails and wins lately and I feel like I could write about 10 posts with all of them. I will try to be concise though and maybe just put them in list form instead of writing a whole story about them. Something like the 12 days of Christmas, but 12 days of mama fail mama win. Yea...I like this idea. Here goes:

Mama fails
1. On the 1st day of MFMW my toddlers gave to me a lesson on their reaching distance by grabbing the coffee mug and spilling it all over themselves...mama panic. No burns, phew.
2. On 2nd day of MFMW my toddlers gave to me falling off the small slide in our living room head over feet and landing on the tile. No injuries, phew.
3. On the 3rd day of MFMW my toddlers gave to me pulling down the display near the pharmacy of light up pen things causing them to spill all over the floor. Pharmacist insisted she will clean them up.
4. On the 4th day of MFMW my toddlers gave to me more random poop incidents than I can handle. Squatting in the closet; continuing to poop after dirty diaper was cleaned off and you went running, pooping along the way; rolling around behind a pile of pillows and clothes, poop getting smeared on wall and floor; one boy reaching into the other's diaper of poop...and on and on.
5. On the 5th day of MFMW my toddlers gave to me...more gray hairs than I can tolerate on my head.
6. On the 6th day of MFMW my toddlers gave to me a heart attack when they learned to climb furniture.
7. On the 7th day of MFMW my toddlers gave to me a lesson to not let them "help" unload the dishwasher when you think it's safe...they will find the knife you didn't know was in there.
8. On the 8th day of MFMW my toddlers gave to me a brain so addled that I backed up out of my garage straight in to my husbands car...with babies and MIL in the car.
9. On the 9th day of MFMW my toddlers gave to me a decision that they both no longer liked the foods they have loved for the past 4 months and will only eat bananas.
10. On the 10th day of MFMW my toddlers gave to me the ability to not care about wiping noses on just about anything including my sleeves, pants, wipes, towels, onesies, their shirt, the cat etc...
11. On the 11th day of MFMW my toddlers gave to me the knowledge that they are stronger than they seem after the dog flat out ran in to (at full speed) one of my boys sending him flying backwards. Luckily landing on grass. Little crying, but tough guy shook it off.
12. On the 12th day of MFMW my toddlers gave to me a week of changing nap schedules, each boy different, everyday a different nap skipped, and the inability to plan anything because I never knew when they would sleep.

Mama wins - Surprise, I'm running out of time and somehow the fails outnumber the wins...sigh. At least the wins count for twice as much :)
1. Mama got her hair done. Hair dye and a fabulous stylist to cover the gray and make the mom bob look "not as mom-y"
2. Being so close to saying mama. I get a "mum" out of James sometimes. Maybe he's British?
3. Saying dada. Of course...
4. Both walking. Well, one running and one sloppily toddling after his brother
5. Changing to front facing car seats. Don't criticize...it's the only way we are all staying sane in the car, which makes the driving experience safer.
6. We got the boys first haircut. Holy moly...you'd think this would be ripe for a mama fail. But the boys were great. The only bad part is they don't look like babies anymore.

Happy twins facing front

First Haircut

First Haircut

John running, James crawling. Two different directions

That's one bad mutha...

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Busy busy bee

Mama fail: Amazing how having a social life leaves no time for you to work on hobbies...like blogging.

Mama win: I have a social life!!! It's about dang time. Go me Go me Go me (in sing song while doing the running man)

Mama fail: The only reason I have a social life is because of two 13 month old boys...sigh.

I promise a lot of hilarity and embarrassments have happened in the last three weeks. I'll write more soon.

This is a close enough approximation of an image of me doing the running man

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Chicago, it's my kind of town

I'm gonna start with my "mama win" for this post because it was such an awesome win in so many ways.

Mama win: visit to Chicago. Yes that is right, I, and I alone, got to go back home to Chicago. That means that Jay stayed with the boys, all by himself. Amazing. Ways this trip was a win:

1. I got to surprise my sister, the day before she ran the Chicago Marathon, with my visit. Her reaction was wonderful and watching her run the race was all I needed to make the short trip worth it. Go beanie!!
2. I FLEW to Chicago. I have developed a serious fear of flying, bordering on panic at any bit of turbulence. Quite pitiful. The fact that I made it in one piece is a win.
3. I was away from my kids - first time I have spent a whole day away from my boys let alone three whole days. It was terribly hard, but also quite liberating. I got to be me, just me, for three whole days. I was able to let go. It was so very hard to not hold my boys, but I also proved to myself that I could do it.
4. Jay proved to himself that he could handle the boys alone. He could do a whole day with them, get them out of the house, feed them all three meals, and still be standing at the end of the day...even if he was hunched over - exhausted - and gritting his teeth.
5. Jay now knows how hard it is to be a stay at home mom to twins. Priceless. Although he works his butt off all day 5 (or more) days a week, the physical, mental and emotional exhaustion of a whole day with the boys can be the hardest thing.
6. Seeing my family, my original family, my forever family that has known me since the day I was born. That is what I needed to be grounded. They refresh me.
7. I drank wine (a lot), and ate (a lot), and laughed loudly (a lot). I got to dress up and put makeup on. I felt pretty. It's been waaaay too long for a lot of those things.

My sister's cheer squad at mile 23

Mama fail: well for something as good as the above mama win, I will regale you with not one, not two, but three mama fails. Oh you are so lucky.

Fail numero uno - the stroller incident, part 1
I am on my way to a play date at another mom's house. I am flustered from the morning of trying to remember all emergency supplies I might need for my boys, pack them up, drive to a place I've never been before, get them unloaded, don't forget anything in the car, etc etc. You know the drill. Well I bust out my handy dandy umbrella stroller and plop the boys right in. Something is not right though. John is sitting way too far forward in his seat and I cannot even get James into the thing, it's too tight on the sides. I push James in until I can get a buckle on him and continue unloading stuff from the car. Then I notice that James is sitting way too far forward too. What is going on here? Well, anyone that knows how an umbrella stroller works, probably knows how this story ends. But for those of you that do not...an umbrella stroller is awesome because it completely accordions open and closed and folds in half as well. When you are going to use it, you unfold it and open it like an accordion. Then you press on the two frames supports under each seat to lock it open. Well this tiny little safety and usefulness step is what I forgot. Completely did not open the stroller fully and also forgot to lock in place. Thank goodness this happened on an empty neighborhood street instead of in a parking lot. Because you see, you cannot then just finish the process of opening further and locking whilst the children are in the stroller. So out they go. I cannot just place them on the sidewalk or out into the street they will crawl. And I am not about to put them back into their car seats (pain in my a$$), so I just kind of toss them into the back of the car on the floor and pray for the best while I reassemble the car seat. Yes this was a moment I was glad to have in relative privacy. Sigh.

Failure numero dos - the stroller incident, part two
Now at play date. The mom who is hosting, kindly lets me bring the stroller in to her home as it is now pouring rain outside. I completely collapse the stupid thing so I don't take up half of her kitchen with my double wide awesomeness. At the end of the play date as I am moving over to set up the stroller again I decide to ask the moms if they have ever had a moment of mama brain like I did just a few hours ago (stroller incident). They all laugh, say "of course", but they want to hear the story. As I am regaling them with my ineptitude, I am gathering up the boys, our debris, and setting up the stroller. I am in bare feet because in Southern California we generally follow the rule of leaving your shoes at the door. So my bare footed brilliance has unfolded and opened up the stroller. As I am going to push on the "snap in to place" locking mechanism I briefly have the thought of "should I be doing this without shoes on". Too bad I am in the midst of a hilarious story about the last stupid thing I did with this stroller. I push down and slam...bottom of my foot gets caught in the snapping mechanism. I pull out my foot with a pit in my stomach, tears in my eyes, and hope no one noticed the little squeak of pain I allowed myself...because you see I just couldn't stand the humility of me hurting myself on the stroller that I embarrassed myself with earlier. I don't want these moms thinking I am a special needs case. So I stand still, afraid to lift my foot for fear that there will be a huge pool of blood underneath, calling out to my boys who refuse to move closer to me. I decide to bravely attempt to walk to my children as I don't think this mom would like to have me as a permanent fixture in her home. Luckily no pool of blood was found and I still cannot bring myself to look at my foot. Boys captured and placed in the stroller, I walk out all confident and smiles. As soon as the door is shut behind me I hobble the rest of the way to the car dragging my mangled pride and foot behind me.

Mama torture device

mama fail numero tres - you forgot there were three didn't you???
This is a quick one, but delivered a shot to the ego like no other. Being that I was away from my boys for the first time ever for more than 1 day, I of course had day dreams about our reunion. I would go running through the airport towards their cute little bodies in the stroller and they would be all smiles and squeals of delight. I would pick them up and spin them around as they latched on to me. I mean I was gone for 3 whole days. They practically have this same reaction every time Jay comes home from work, and he is only gone for 8 hours. So I see Jay and the boys about 20 feet away. I go jogging towards them, awkwardly like the hunchback of notre dame as I am dragging my carry on suitcase behind me. I see the boys, we make eye contact, and as I get closer I start talking to them and how much I missed them and "HI boys mama is home!!!!" They sit there stoically, unsmiling, still in their stroller. Just staring. So I bend down to them, and grab their little toes and say "hi boys, it's mama". They stare. and stare. Then they start to whine because they are stuck in the stroller and it has stopped moving. So we walk back to the car, with still no reaction from the boys. I pick each one of them up and out of the stroller to give them a hug and James immediately pushes away with arms and legs. John just looks at everything, besides me. So much for that magical homecoming moment. At least Jay was glad to see me.

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Only 20 more years and you can do it again

So Jay and I wanted to celebrate these last waning days of summer (yea right we live in SoCal) and enjoy a beverage on an outside patio....

Mama fail: We decided to take the boys to a local tavern (serves food and drink so it's ok, right?) and we were planning on sitting out on the patio. Boys will get fresh air, mom and dad will get sunshine and a cold beer. So after the typical "plan for every possibility of things that can go wrong" packing job...we are now all loaded into the car. It needs to be said that we are driving to a place that is literally 5 minutes away by car. However, we couldn't walk because A) it's a mile away and it is 92 degrees out, and B) we really only have about 45 free minutes with the boys till dinner time melt down...the walk alone would have killed about 25 of those minutes. So we're loaded up spend 5 minutes in the car. Park. Unload. Carry everything + two boys into tavern. We notice that the patio is filled, but inside, ooooh there is football (one drawback to no cable/directv). So we decide, eh, we will go inside and have a drink and watch football and entertain the boys with snacks and TV. As we're walking in we notice a sign on the door that says NO one under 21 is allowed. We scoff, hahaha. Boys you don't meet the age limit. We'll give you fake IDs. We sit down and literally just have a moment to drop the boys on their tushes and unload our stuff when the manager walks up to us and says, "I'm sorry guys, no one under 21 is allowed in here," Jay and I both kind of laugh and the manager says, "No seriously, I'm gonna have to ask you to leave." We incredulously say, "Seriously?!?...even babies!" "Yes, I'm so sorry, even babies. It's because of our liquor license." We just kind of look dumbfounded. "Sorry" says the manager, sheepishly. We haul all of our stuff back onto our bodies and scooch our way out of the booth. He "ushers" us out and makes some benign comment about "not being able to serve them anyway" hahaha. So boys. At age 1...you officially got kicked out of your first bar. You'll have to wait 20 more years for the next time :)

Mama win: On Sunday morning, bright and early I made the boys breakfast. Now this is no amazing feat in and of itself as I make them breakfast every morning. However, my usual breakfast fare for the boys involves toasting some frozen product, adding fruit and calling it a day. This morning I cut up some fresh strawberries, made homemade pancakes, and whipped up some homemade whipped cream. This was the boys breakfast. And on top of that...they actually ate it! There is the mama win! It seems the meals I put the most effort in to are usually the ones the boys spit out. But all of the stars aligned and a good breakfast was had by all (yes Jay and I enjoyed our version of the same breakfast during the boys nap). Ahhhh, life is good. Lets just pretend this is what it looked like and that I am Martha Stewart, II.

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It's the little things...

Lets call these short stories or lessons learned. Whatever they may be...I offer them to you, here and now. It has been crazy for the last two weeks. Preparing for family coming in to town and the boys first b-day party...in addition to all of the usual stuff...leaves little time for writing blog posts. I will keep this short and... sometimes sweet.

Mama fails:
1. Giving babies couscous, ever. They will "paint" with it on their high chair tray and you will end up with couscous everywhere. Still finding those little pin sized pasta pieces 3 weeks later. They cannot eat it, it doesn't clump together and they cannot pincer grasp it. I don't know what I was thinking.
2. Trying again and again to get my boys to eat pasta. My boys do not like pasta...of any kind...shape...flavor...with sauce...without...they. don't. like. it. I am so very very sad as this is such an easy go to item for kids. Nope.
3. Going to Whole Foods. I should have kept up my streak on never going. Now I know what's there. It's allll there. I have so many food options. Temptation is too great. Ignorance was bliss.
4. Forgetting to lock the oven door. John "the climber" grabs onto the handle and climbs the oven. Door flies open, John falls back, oven door hits John in the face, and then John's head hits the floor. All within a second and about two feet away from me. Talk about parental guilt.
5. Assuming that since James had crawled up one stair, only one stair, that there was no way he could hurt himself. Till he tried to sit back and ooops, he was one stair up and just fell back on to the tile floor. Not a happy baby. Like an overturned screaming turtle.
6. Assuming that my boys would be the first babies in history to actually enjoy their first birthday cake. Mmm, not so much.

Mama wins:
1. Making it through the first year of life with these two amazing boys. Didn't think we were gonna make it for a little while.
2. Pulling off a first birthday party with over 30 guests...of course I couldn't have done it without Jay and both sets of Grandparents!!
3. Getting away, just Jay and I, for over 30 hours.
4. Realizing that I am not the end all be all with these boys...although that is a fail for me too (tear).

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Oh crap

As if Facebook has some sort of psychic power over me, my future was predicted by a link I "liked" a few days ago. Here it is in case you would like to reference it.

Mama Fail: #1 So I am going to a play date with some other moms and the host says she essentially has a mini water park in her back yard and that we should dress our tikes appropriately, e.g. swim diapers, swim trunks and rash guard, as well as a gallon of sunscreen. So being that I have never dressed the boys for a water adventure I leave myself ample time (45 minutes) to get both boys ready. Things I need to do in this time: Strip boys of regular clothes, change to swim diaper, slather in sunscreen, dress in swim trunks, and lastly put on rash guard...all of course x 2. 45 minutes should be enough time, right? Well it may have been except for one little snafu. I have finished going through this entire routine with James (including changing from poopy regular diaper to clean sparkly swim diaper) and am now working my way through this with John. I am on the changing regular diaper (which is also poopy, thanks boys!) to swim diaper step when I realize it smells bad, really bad. I know it's not John because I am half way through de-poopifying his tushy and this is a new smell. So I'm thinking, "Aw man, James pooped again...in that damned swim diaper, guh." Oh I should not have cursed this fate for what lie ahead was so much worse. As if in a slow motion scene, I turn my head to search out James and discover that he has figured out the (apparently not so) impenetrable diaper securing system that I use. He has undone the diaper, pulled out all of the wipes I used on him and is now playing in his own feces like a little monkey. Oh. my. god. Of course any usual mom would drop what she was doing and go to said poop covered child, but no, I am in a conundrum. I currently am wiping a poopy bottom and if I let go I risk John rolling over and crawling around with poop all over him. I have to decide which situation is worse. I go with current issue at hand and clean up John as I have never cleaned before. I let him go sans diaper...at this point a little pee on the carpet is the least of my worries. And dive for James...the whole time using all of my mom "force be with you" powers begging the universe to not let James put his poopy hands in his mouth or in his hair. Luckily I have a whole pack of wipes right next to me and I am on him in a second. He gets the perfunctory wipe down, all the while I am holding James under the armpits with one arm in the hopes that I will not drop him or have him touch anything along the way to the sink. I scrub the hell out of his hands which he is none to happy about and inspect him very closely for poop particles. I think we're safe...now back to John.

Mama fail: #2 (hahaha) Oh but wait there is more. Later that evening it is bath time. I believe the boys got dirtier than ever at their water play date which really should have counted for a bath for this lazy crazy mom. However, they are covered with grass, dead bug debris, and food from dinner. Bath time is a must. So I scoot them on upstairs (thank god they can do the stairs together now) and once ensconced in the bathroom I derobe them and de-diaper them. John first, good to go and in the bath seat in the tub. James is being de-diapered and I look in the mirror to find the dreaded poopy diaper staring back at me. Oh no, the diaper is still in between his legs maybe I can grab some wipes and clean...ohp, nope James starts to kick from excitement as I am holding him and gravity takes the diaper down...on to the counter where all of their bath towels and cloths are currently sitting. It falls face (?) down and splat on to the towels and all. Now I'm left to deal with holding the kicky poopy baby, the squirm worm in the bath as well as find new...well everything made of cloth for bath time. Sigh...into the garbage go the towels along with the diaper because I sure as heck am not scraping poop off of a towel on the off chance that it will be usable again. Nope and nope.

Mama win: This is a tough one as it has been one heck of a week for all of us. However, I am proud to say that we did make it to the water play date even after the poop monster episode...we made it there late, but we made it. In addition I was given a tip for getting those dang rash guards over a baby's head. I literally had the boys laying on the floor with my leg across their shoulders trying to cram their skull through the impossibly small hole on these things. What an "oh duh" moment I had when another mom tipped me off and said she cuts the neck on those things to make the hole bigger. Genius!!

Aw heck, there is one more win too. It will be the boys' first birthday in one week (what?!) and I somehow managed to design, order, receive and mail the invites on a somewhat decent schedule allowing people more than a weeks notice. I think that is pretty good. We could have just begged people to come the day before the party, but this way is a little bit nicer. Yahoooo.

I'll spare you a pic of the theme of this post and give you some cute ones instead.

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Meh...

So today was neither a mama fail nor a mama win day. I feel as if it was just a "meh" kind of day. But not for lack of trying.

Started with trying new food for breakfast (sunflower seed butter and jelly). The boys ate it, without fervor, and even a little bit of whining. Not a total fail...not a win.

Put boys down for 1st nap as per usual. John didn't fall asleep for over 30 minutes (very unusual), but then they both slept and slept. I had to wake them (gasp!) at 10:45 so I could meet with my running group. Not a total fail, not a win.

Went running. Met new people, discovered new trail. But had a fairly short run. Meh.

Fed boys lunch. See breakfast for their reaction. Meh

2nd nap time. Went down late and had an ok nap. Meh.

Afternoon adventure...Costco...wehoooo. Boys fussed throughout the store, I fed them snacks, John threw them on the ground...James ate them. Meh. Lots of $$ spent. Met a mom (planned meeting) and got rid of old vacuum and bags. Yay. Not a fail, but not really a win.

Rode home with some half whiney boys. Gave them a ready made pouch of baby food for dinner. Didn't satisfy. Ummm...turkey and cheese samich? OK, see lunch a breakfast for their reaction.

I feel like we all were giving about 60% today. Ahh well. Maybe tomorrow will be more win less lose...although either one would be better than meh.

Yawn...meh

Have you ever just had one of those "meh" days. Leave a comment. I'd love to hear from you.

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Oh he's so smart..."doh"

This is a short post today. I have been busy busy busy going to all sorts of play dates this week. Being part of two moms groups (one for local area and one for twins) has improved my social calendar greatly (from nothing to something). Overall it was a mama win kind of week, but don't worry there are a few stories to tell.

Mama win:
This week John has proved how stinkin smart (crafty) he is to me many times over. How great is that?! I have at least one, but probably two, baby geniuses. yay

Mama fail:
John has proved this to me by doing two things.
1. Getting past the now lowered (thanks to James) baby gate - Learned how to open? Magic? or, The ever popular shape shifting? - while I was making lunch. I only realized this by hearing the giggles of James who was now in the front room. And where was John...oh, all the way up ten stairs to the landing!!
2. He has figured out the baby proofing mechanism on our cabinets in the kitchen. Not once, not twice...and not by accident. He uses both hands and purposefully opens the door to it's limits and presses on white latch mechanism until it clears the hold and then he opens the door. He is 11.5 months old! Time to move all dangerous and poisonous things to...the...ceiling?

WHAT? Just doing my thing...

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Double double toil and trouble

So this special edition of mama fail mama win is brought to you by double mint gum. Ok, not really but you would think the boys would give me a break and only make me look like a bad mom every once in a while, but whoa man the boys were on their twin game this weekend. I'm still trying to think of two mama wins, so bear with me. Maybe something will come to mind as I am writing.

Mama fail #1 - Grandma and Grandpa M bought the boys an early birthday present - a toddler trampoline. It's pretty awesome and hopefully will release some of the endless amounts of energy that John has stored up. I say they bought it for the boys...but really we all had John the jumper in mind for this gift. Anyway, believe it or not this fail has nothing to do with John hurting himself (spoiler alert - the next one will). I get this contraption in the mail and start to pull out all of the pieces. I remember the online video telling me how easy it was to put together, so I'm like "Psssshh I don't need directions." Let's go!! Pieces pulled out, plastic suffocation plastic wrapping placed back in box, and obligatory allen wrench and screws accounted for. I'm all into this thing. The boys are having a blast playing with the box, listening to mom swear as she pinches her fingers on this "easy to assemble" toy, and "helping" me by taking pieces and crawling away with them. At one point I am so close to finishing the assembly that I am totally oblivious to what the boys are doing. It's quiet...too quiet. John!!! No, no John is ok...he is quietly tearing apart every book we own. OK, phew. James!!! Oh no, no...he is just sitting there playing with the allen wrench...which was in the bag with the screws and nuts...and he has chipmunk cheeks...and he is smiling. And one screw/nut combo falls out of his mouth!!!! Oh my god...somehow I managed to fly across the room all whilst having a massive coronary. This must be one of those mom adrenaline things, like when moms lift cars off of their kids and stuff...I literally (ok not literally) flew across the room. I opened James's mouth and did the finger swipe to get everything out. Holy mother of pearl. Of course James is now screaming because I took his toys away, but all screws/nut are again accounted for and boys were put in the kitchen where surely nothing could harm them. And, mom, mom was back to being super as soon as she got this thing assembled because man do the boys love this little trampoline.

Mama fail #2 - I'm going to start this one with a disclaimer that even though I swore I would never keep the worst mama fails from my readers, I almost did with this one. However, everyone was fine in the end, so I felt a little more comfortable writing this. It's a short but heart stopping one. It is morning and Jay and I are up watching the boys play, trying to wake ourselves up with a morning cup o joe, and also getting everything ready for the upcoming day. We've recently changed the boys diapers so of course that means James has to poop. Of course! Clean slate. So I am changing James and his giant poop while Jay is cleaning up in the kitchen and John is playing in the playroom next to James and I. John of course is all over the place and I have half an eye on him and half an eye on the poop monster. Next thing I know John is climbing up some shelves near me and within an instant has grabbed my cup of coffee which I thought was far enough above and away from him. He knocks it over onto himself, all over the carpet and toys below. He starts crying and I scream for Jay although he has seen it too. I am up to my elbows in poop so Jay runs over and sweeps up John and runs him to the kitchen sink. Cold water is applied and crying ceases. 5 minutes later John is back to acting like nothing happened, was probably just scared by the little bit of heat and us screaming. No marks, no burns and no harm done other than to my psyche.

The reason I share these two mom fails is because they are both things that I read about in all of the baby safety literature. At the time thinking, who in their right minds would be stupid enough to....well I guess now we know who. I try to keep my boys safe at every turn without being a helicopter mom. However the two most basic things: choking hazards and burns happened in one weekend. Luckily I take so much cream in my coffee it had cooled off quite a bit. It was mildly warm, but not hot...it could have been though, it could have been. And a lot of times what could have been is what scares moms most.

Mama win: After taking a break from pureeing food (since my boys refuse to eat anything from a spoon anymore - independent little stinks) and moving on to bite sized meals I am now back in the pureeing game. I have some days where I "mail it in" for meals and just want something fast and easy because the boys are breaking down or I am beyond exhausted. I have been relying on Plum Organics and Earths Best squeeze pouches which I feel only semi-guilty about. However, I still don't like that they use a lot of fruit in their combos and need preservatives to stay fresh. So after looking online for ways to make my life easier I find two products which I now love love love. They allow me to make food for the boys, puree what is left over and use it in some combo squeeze packs for emergencies or "mailing it in" days. The boys feel independent and I have free hands for another 5 minutes. In addition the toppers allow the boys to have a little more control with how fast food comes out of the pouches (see this post Orange goo) and provides a soft spout for their delicate gums. Here are the two wonder products: Squooshi Reusable pouches and Pouch Pop Topper. And one more bonus, a little less garbage from my laziness.

Mama win 2: I'm sure I could write some inane story about running 6 miles in this insane heat or having guests over for labor day (a thing we thought we would never again do after having twins), but the stories...they just happened and they were awesome events, but not much to tell. So I will take this time to try and redeem myself from my epic mama fails and ensure everyone that I am not a truly horrible mother...I just have my moments of real mediocrity...as I'm sure we all do.

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Mamas and Papas

So today's post is a little bit different. It's a special post regarding the wins and fails of both myself and Jay. I'm sure Jay would love to participate in this, right honey....right. Better to ask forgiveness than permission :) hehehe.

Mama/Papa fail: The theme here is child injuries.
Papa fail - Yesterday morning we're getting the boys all ready for the day and Jay is getting in some last minute play time before he goes to work. He is holding John, who loves more than anything to be thrown in the air, or held up high, or "pretend dropped". Sure any of those things could lead to injury if not done carefully...but of course we're careful. Of course...all the time. Except this one time...when Jay held John high up in the air and then walked through a doorway and cracked John's head on it. Ooopf. Not a happy baby. You know that cry...the one where it's quiet and you're just waiting...is he gonna cry? And then it starts with a scream, and then the tears come...and the pout and trembling lip. Ugh...melts a parent's heart. Nothing like bashing your kids head on a doorway right before work. I think we're gonna have to buy stock in cold packs.

Mama fail - Long ago we were adjusting the mirror that allows us to peek in on the boys while we are driving. Unfortunately the thing is crap and it broke in half during our adjustments (I mean I know we're strong, but c'mon). So we immediately said...Oh we should get a new one and take that down. Fast forward to 2 months later and that darn thing was still there. Anyway, I took the boys on an adventure the other day to a different park. Fun was had, tra la la. And we're packing up to go. I load James in the car first and as I'm putting him in his car seat he lunges for the mirror (cause he sees his handsome self in it) and promptly face plants in to it. Which wouldn't have been a big deal except then he loses his footing and slides down the mirror with his face. He ends up cutting his cheek and the tip of his nose on this dang broken mirror. You know what...babies bleed, like a lot. Who knew? Luckily I had a frozen banana feeder in the car and popped it in his mouth...distraction won and the cut healed quickly. I'm sad to say...it still took me 4 more days to take that mirror down. Yay me!

Mama/Papa win:
Papa win - Jay is a great dad. He has a papa win almost everyday in that he really loves (and likes - key) his boys. He wants to be there with them and it's hard for him to leave everyday. He loves coming home to them and playing with them and doesn't mind a lot of the craziness that goes along with having twins. He is also a great husband and that is a papa win too. He came home yesterday after a long day of work and a long week of work. He came home to take over the end of the day baby duties, so I could go out and be with adults for the evening. He tended to James when the screaming started because I dared to leave the room. He is an awesome dad. For that he gets a continual win (even if his antics result in head injuries from time to time).

Mama win - summoning up the energy yesterday to leave my A/C house and go for a 3 mile "pushing the double BOB" run in the 80+ degree heat with sun ablaze. Mama win or mama insanity...I don't know. But I did it and ended the day not feeling guilty about my cheese and wine night with some other mamas. A lot of my wins are going to be running related because:
1. I am not now and never was or will be a happy runner. I don't get that runner's high, I don't look forward to it, and I usually feel miserable tired and hot afterwards. However I still do it, so every run is a major victory for me.
2. It's F'ing hard to push 50 extra pounds of baby and stroller while running up hill.
3. Some days that is the only major thing that I do right.

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What babies?

Mama Fail - Another Target story from the past, what can I say, I am a mom who needs to get out of the house. So I have another wonderful trip to Target and it is jam packed full of useless stuff I'm sure I didn't need. But, alas the stuff was there and multiple bags were filled to the brim. I pack up the car and we head home. My friend Lisa was with me helping me out with the boys that day. She too had a couple of bags worth of stuff. So we pull into the driveway and start unloading. We go through the front door, as our garage at this point has become a tetris maze of cardboard boxes, no longer used furniture, and enough emergency earthquake supplies for a family of 12. The unloading process is quite hilarious when we go in through the front door because my 2 cats and dog are all trying to escape (the oh so miserable pampered life they live) through the front door. So here we are arms full of Target bags and babies in their car seats. We put the boys down on the front porch so I can unlock the door. We decide to leave them there as it is a beautiful day out. They happily coo and gah as we run in and out of the front door to unload our goodies all the while herding cats and dogs.

We get the last bags in and shut the door, glad to finally have all the stuff in the house and all animals are still accounted for. I sigh and say, "phew...ok. Lets start unloading." Lisa looks at me as if I have 4 heads and says, "um, the boys." Oh (expletive), I forgot the boys on the front porch. Ok, it was only for like 30 seconds, but in my mind I had left them out for the wolves. They were perfectly oblivious, playing with their car seat toys and enjoying the breeze. Heheh...no no dears, you were not abandoned by mom. All is well.

Mama win - I have never forgotten them again :) Ok, that's lame (well awesome that it is true, but kind of a cop out for a win). Hmm, ok. I walked 2 miles today to go to the nearest Starbucks. It has been so long since I have been there and so desperately needed. The boys did great and I got a tea and lemonade thingy. This "ideal" moment I had been dreaming of for so long finally came true. I honestly didn't think a day would come where I could make this walk down to our nearest *bucks. I never thought we would get here...and yet I did it. It was a small victory, but in my mind it was a momentous occasion.

Mama rant - If you ever see someone with a double stroller (or really any stroller, but even more so a double one) struggling to get in the door of a *bucks or heck any door anywhere...get off your lazy tookus and help that mom/dad/nanny out. This is the second time I have experienced a business full of people that could all see me struggling to get in to the door with my stroller in tow. When did society become this rude? Thhhbbttt.

How could I have forgotten these cute little bugs?!

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Watch out Target shoppers

Historical Fail - not in the sense that it is so bad it will be written in the history books...just that it happened in the past...

Mama fail - So one day a few months ago I went to Target with my mom, she was here visiting from Chicago. It was one of my first trips out with the boys and of course my mind was all crazy because I felt like I was juggling 30 things at once. So the shopping was not momentous, but the fun started when we got back to the car. I unloaded the cart while my mom helped by getting James strapped in to his car seat. Then I popped John out of the cart and loaded him up too. Feeling pretty good about a successful trip, I started up the car and threw it in reverse.
With the rear door still open.
And the cart still behind the car.
I bumped the cart which sent it rolling in to the two way parking lot lane.
I threw the car in to park, and in an utter panic (why I panicked I don't know)...we hopped out of the car and closed the rear door and chased down the cart. Luckily it did not hit another car or get hit by another car.
I seriously thought I was doing ok and was acing this mom thing at that point because...heck...I got out of the house with twin infants and made it through Target without a melt down. I guess my brain had not caught up to my awesomeness yet. Thank god for moms (well, my mom.)

Mama win - Play date. I joined a local moms group to meet other moms, get some support, and make some friends. The group is great and I decided I needed to be more involved. I offered to start a baby play date group so that all the moms with younger kids could get together (as there are a few older kid groups already). I hosted the play date yesterday from 11 - 1:30. There were 5 moms and 9 kids, ages ranging from 3 months to 4.5 years. It was chaos and I felt like there was a daycare in my house, but it was amazing too. 6 of those kids were all within a month of each other and it was great to talk with other moms and have the kids interact. I was pooped and the boys were in melt down phase by the end, but it was fun to be social. I can't wait till the next one.

Uh-oh, they found me

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Replaceable Me?

It's actually been a little quiet in terms of mama fails which is good for me (ahem, I mean the kids), but bad for blog writing. I guess life isn't 100% entertaining all of the time. So sorry I've neglected you the past few days my loyal 7 followers :) Maybe it's 8 by now, I don't know, this thing is getting crazy popular. Ha!

Back story for fail - the boys are going through a serious mama phase. They hang on me, they look to me for reassurance, they hold out their arms for me when they get scared or hurt. I am the only one that can comfort them 90% of the time. I am the constant, the one who is always there for them. This can be good and bad. When they clamber up me and hang off my neck, pulling on my hair and kicking me in the stomach...it's not so good. But when they cling onto you with all of their might cause they bonked their head...man that feels good. Mama phase has been lasting long enough for me to just think of it as "how it is, how it will be." And here we go...

Mama fail: yesterday we hosted a b-day party for Nicky, the son of our friend Lisa. It was all of Lisa's family and friends. It was a great time and Jay and I loved being social again. Our hermit lifestyle is finally ebbing a bit. The boys handled it pretty well for much of the day, but by late afternoon they were dunzos. They were both melting down and needed an early bed time. We took them up to bed very soon after dinner was over and as soon as we got to their room James started crying...not just whining, but big crocodile tears, red faced, losing his breath/coughing crying. Just out of control. Nothing we did would make it better. Finally Jay just picked him up and took him out of the room. We had the white noise machine going already, so as soon as he left the room I couldn't hear the crying. I stayed with John we sang and read books. And I put him in his crib. At this time we were ready to finish the night routine, so I decided to go see how Jay and James were doing, maybe relieve Jay from carrying our big boy around. Ya know, see if "superhero" mom could control the situation. I step out of the room to silence. Jay had calmed him down and James was just looking around. Until he saw me...at which point I smile and said hi...and he promptly stuck out his bottom lip, opened his mouth and let out a wail again...tears falling, red face, and screaming. What happened to mom being the fixer of all things? The one these boys go to for comfort. Sigh....blow to the ego.

Mama win: hosting a 2 year old's birthday party and having our house in presentable condition while taking care of the boys, wrangling a dog and two cats, and general host responsibilities. I couldn't have done our part without Jay's help and so this win is a papa win too.

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Siren call of Costco

Mama fail:
So the last few times I have gone out with the boys in the afternoon, we have had early melt downs. Way before dinner time. Between waking up at 3:00, having a small bottle and then dinner at 5:00...a snack is an absolute must...I now know this. So yesterday Costco's siren call lead me to an afternoon adventure. Prep - snack crackers, water, and two toddler applesauce/carrot snack pouches (you know, the pouches that have the little nozzle on top so kids can suck on it). Ok, we're off. Costco is fairly uneventful, I stave off a few melt downs with crackers and water. However, 8 hours later (or however long it took us to get through Costco) we are in line and THE melt down ensues. A-ha, mama has the pouches...and here is where the fail begins. I give James his, it goes immediately in mouth. Perfect, wonderful, I am super mom. I go to unscrew the cap off of John's and James has taken his out of his mouth and is now just squeezing it into the air (like a geyser). I lay down John's to help James (ignoring the massive pool of carrot/apple goo that is collecting in James's lap). In the meantime John is angry that his is not in his mouth and starts beating his hands on the cart, well one misses and hits his pouch which shoots off orange carrot goo on to James as well. I finish helping James, go back to John and hand him his. John is good, focused on eating. James has now turned his upside down. Orange goo dribbling out. Gah! Ahh well, his lap is orange, his hands are orange, the blanket covering the cart is orange, there is probably orange goo on the cart and under the cart. I just keep laughing and telling James what a mess he is. I turn around to see some grumpy old woman giving me the sour face and I just want to stick my tongue out at her.

Mama Win:
I took the high road, did not stick my tongue out at grumpy old lady. Instead I see she has 1 item to my 400 and I politely ask her to please go ahead of me since she has such a small order. I gotta keep thinking "these boys are watching, learning, observing at all times." But...they cannot mind read and mentally I am sticking my tongue out at the back of her head. Thbbbttttt.

I did not get a picture of yesterday's incident as then my phone would have been covered in orange goo too, but here is an approximation. Just imagine the boys fully clothed, in a cart seat and covered in orange instead of blue.

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Bath time troubles

Mama fail: 

Figuring out how to bathe 2 boys in the bath tub by myself for the first time. Thought I had all safety boxes checked, then after bringing James up, leaving him on the floor of closed bathroom, and running downstairs to get John, I realized "oh (expletive) I just left my crawling baby in a room with a bath tub of water. I have never moved so fast in my life. How is it that I could have missed THAT in my safety check?

2nd mama fail: 

Oh yea, 2 for the price of one... Stellar day. I forgot to post on fb that the boys turned 11 months today. Everyone knows that if it isn't on fb it doesn't happen. Poor boys.

Mama win: 

Coming home from a moms group with 6 melissa and doug wooden puzzles for $20. What a deal.

This is an old bath time pic, we've removed them from the basket these days, but you get the idea...

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Lets get started

Below are the Facebook posts that started this endeavor.

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In an effort to cut down on the "everything in my life is perfect version" that we all share on FB (cause who really wants to air their dirty laundry), I am going to start sharing my motherhood fails. I want to keep it real and show that life is full of ups and downs. I'll also include a motherhood win...just so people don't call DCFS on me. Hehehe
So my motherhood fail for yesterday was thinking that at 10.5 months my boys could handle little bits of tortilla (as part of an avocado and bean burrito), as James gagged on a mouthful stuck to the roof of his mouth. Ah well, dinner fail.
Mama win - preparing for all possible events before going to the park yesterday and having a blast with the boys and my friend Lisa's little boy, Nicky. An awesome afternoon at the park. The boys loved people(kid) watching.


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Mama fail - forgetting for the 52nd time to wash the boys hands before finger food breakfast. Why can I not remember that? It certainly is not because my floors are so clean their hands don't need to be washed

Mama win - making it out to my first (in 10+ months) moms night out type event last night. Good wine tasting, flat breads and conversation. Sometimes my "mama win" has to be a little selfish


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Mama fail: wanted to get out of the house with the boys yesterday for the afternoon. Thought ikea would be fun. Got there and the carts only seat one. I can't even squeeze two in because the seat had gaping holes on each side. Gah! Did I bring the stroller... No, I did not prepare. Cursed loudly in the ikea parking lot. So all of that loading and unloading of babies to just drive around for 20 minutes. Got home and we went on a wagon walk instead.

Mama win: made it out of the house (on time!) and to my doctors appt. Phew. Small win, but I'll take it.


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There is no rest for mama fails on the weekend:
Mama fail: So I assumed my babies couldn't/wouldn't (first part of the fail right there, never assume) get through/over/under our baby gate from playroom to front room as neither of them have ever done it. However, today as I ran upstairs to put my contacts in...I came back downstairs to find James (no, not John) in the front room. So either he has the ability to climb over the gate (hmm), crawl under the gate (possible), or shape shift and walk through the gate. My money is on under. In addition, as we haven't really baby proofed that room all that much, he was sitting there quietly chewing/licking a dog toy. Sigh. Just keep thinking Immunity, immunity, immunity.
Mama win: managed to go on a two mile walk up and down many hills, pushing double stroller, while feeding boys banana pops, taking sips of water, and talking with mom and dad all at the same time. Now that is multi-tasking.



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Well so far this has been a pretty good day. I have postponed the mama fail post in the event that I cursed myself by saying that it was a great day and then all hell broke loose. So I am going to dig into my mama fails vault and pull out a historical one (it's historical cause I actually learned my lesson on this one!!!)
Mama fail: Leaving the computer plugged in with the charger cord which goes to an outlet near the floor. Went to get boys. Got John first. Put him down in playroom, then went to get James. Came down with James and found john sucking on cord for charger. Nearly dropped James in my panic...so maybe this is two mama fails. Every one was fine and mama slowly learned her lesson on this one.
Mama win...6 mile run with all of my boys today (confession...Jay pushed the stroller, I just lazily ran beside him). Also, an awesome day with the boys. Picnic in the baseball fields behind my house...Bear running free and boys on a blanket trying to eat grass...good times.


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Mama fail: There are so many today that I think this is payback for yesterday. Where to start?1. I thought I was superwoman and my children were angels.2. Packed the kids into the car after a somewhat short nap and was off to do errands. This is already the second time in their car seats today (which they do not love).3. Drove 15 minutes in one direction to pick up some donated toys. Boys did not get to get out of the car.4. Drove the opposite direction 15 minutes to go to pet store. Boys get to get out this time. James in the carrier, John in the cart seat. Bend over to pick up 30 lbs of dog food (why?) lift up quickly and whack James in the face with it. Sigh.5. After 10 minutes in this store it is now almost 4:00, I have to go to the grocery store and get gas.6. Head to the grocery store (after packing the boys in their car seats again). Boys getting fussy about being in car seats.7. Now 4:15, at grocery store and gas station across street (dinner is usually at 5). Skip gas station.8. Boys out of car...at Ralph's they are awesome and have double carts. Go to get one and see one of those "car in front" carts. Boys are getting fussier, so I have a brilliant idea. Boys will have awesome fun time in car part and they can both be buckled in there. Perfect!9. Boys immediately start licking, chewing and touching everything before I can get to the clorox dispenser. Gah!10. Glee ensues. Boys are sooo happy...for 5 minutes. I make it through produce area. The screaming starts. Oh my, they must be hungry. Good thing I brought snacks...somehow I did not realize that a few yogurt poof thingies every 5 minutes would not cut it for these two. Plus I am continually touching the cart, the store, stuff, then feeding them poofs. Gah!11. I am running through Ralphs trying to get all much needed groceries, women are giving me the pity look, but also the "what are you, an idiot" look.
12. Those carts may work for toddlers who at least have some concept of "no", however 11 moth old boys have no concept and just continue to lick, chew, reach out, pull, and touch everything we pass.13. At one point John gets a hold of some stationary object and stops the cart at the same time James starts screaming. There are too many people in the deli line...I shout, "Gah, this is chaos", leave with pre-packaged turkey.14. Get to check out lane and all hell breaks loose...boys are reaching out to grab everything...old mango - check, gift cards from hanger - check, pile of reusable bags from next checkout lane - check, candy - check. Finally move forward enough and get to the bagging area where a little alarm goes off because I have forgotten things on bottom of my cart. Ugh.15. Get out to car...boys are soooo done. I don't want to leave either of them unattended for long in this car contraption, so I garb James and place him in car seat. I go and grab John and bring him in to car....James is climbing over back seat and out of his car seat. Place John in car seat. Run over to James, get him clipped in, John is climbing over back of car seat. Run over clip him in...both boys screaming now. Only 5 minutes to home. Forget medication and gas.16. Boys screaming from hunger. Place in high chairs to realize I didn't clean off trays from lunch. Ugh. Place burp cloths over trays. Shove pouch of apple sauce into each of their hands and breathe. Oh my.
Mama win...I made it through all of the above with out crying.


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Evidence of yesterday's debacle. How cute are they? How could I NOT put them in this contraption from hell?






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Mama fail: lunch. Can I just leave it at that? No no no. Made this beautiful lunch for the boys...organic carrots diced and steamed, raspberries cut into bite sized pieces, all natural french toast sticks all warm straight from the toaster. Sounds pretty dang good to me. Boys wouldn't eat it. Put it on their tongue and spit it out. Or stuck their tongue out till the drool made whatever item was being disliked slide off of tongue. Sigh...what they ended up eating. Half an avocado, cheerios, and pre shredded cheese.

Mama win: I got to eat their tasty lunch

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